The One Sign You Should Never Date According To Your Horoscope | Betches

The One Sign You Should Never Date According To Your Horoscope

 You would never buy a shirt without asking your friends if it looked good on you first, so why would you date someone without asking the stars? I mean, yeah we know most horoscopes are like completely made up questionably reliable, but if the moon can affect the tides, then it’s totally possible the stars can help you find love. Or in the very least, you should know what signs you’re compatible with. One thing’s for sure, whichever sign is the one that makes a 30-year-old dude keep a Bob Marley poster over his bed is def least compatible.  Here’s our guide to which signs you should never date if you’re a…. fill in the blank.


Aries

You’re a fire sign, which means you’re passionate and also overly confident. I mean, that’s not exactly a bad thing, because you’ve got the goods to back it up. Basically when you say, “I love adventure,” you actually mean it. Unfortunately this means you should avoid dating a Cancer at all costs. Cancers are mild and not very active, which works well if you’re like into staying in and coordinating your outfits, which you are not. Cancer is going to feel intimidated by everything you do and probably harbor that shit—like, you’ll definitely feel like the crazy one if you date a Cancer.

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Taurus

Generally speaking, you’re an easygoing person. You’re a fixed sign, which means even though you like being the center of attention, you’ve got stability in your blood. So you’re like the Camille Grammer of the group—you are part of the in crowd but you’re not the one trying to start drama. Because of this, though, you should def run if a Leo or Aquarius comes into your life. The Aquarius sign is constantly changing, which will annoy the shit out of you. You will find their moods so unstable that you could be talking for 6 months and still feel like you never really dated. You need something more stable and honest, and the uncertainty of Aquarius is such a turn off you were probably only attracted to him because you were drunk or on birth control that flipped your emotions around. Sorry, but it’s not going to work.

Gemini

You’re a deep person with many moods, and even your close friends will still feel like they don’t really know you because you always keep a part of you guarded. How very Don Draper of you. You do not like expressing deep emotions to people, and you’re more like a golden retriever puppy in that you’re gentle and affectionate but people don’t always trust you enough not to keep an eye on you. You’re also a huge flirt, which means you’re not going to get along with Scorpio, because they’re jealous AF. You also should stay away from Pisces, because even though you don’t think a little bit of lying is harmful, Pisces is so intuitive that they’ll always know when you’re being dishonest. The fact that Pisces can pick up all your mood changes is going to annoy you, because you like the privacy of hiding behind a shallow niceness without people looking too much into it. Unfortunately Pisces won’t be satisfied with you until they know the truth. Basically, you need to date a Dan Humphrey, not a Chuck Bass that will obsess over you in an overbearing way.

Dan Humphrey

Cancer

You’re a very emotional and loving person, which means you get along with someone who can show they’re caring. Like sometimes you have sex just to get to the cuddling, because the intimacy is what you crave. You need to date someone who can protect you, like Edward Cullen but without the aggressive vampire shit. You probably hate blow jobs, so you shouldn’t date a Scorpio, who is going to be highly sexual. However, Scorpios have a deep love, so this can work in your favor if you’re like hot enough to get by on mediocre sex. You also want to stay away from Aries, because their aggression is like Scorpio, only without the passion. You’ll just feel like you’re always in a fight or you did something wrong, which isn’t the good basis of a relationship.

Leo

Obviously all betches love attention, but the Leos are on another level. You shine in the spotlight and everyone is charmed by you. You can walk into a room and it’ll feel like every 90s teen movie where the hot girls walk through the halls and everyone turns to high five you. Unfortunately this means you’re not very compatible with Scorpios because they are so jealous they’ll make you feel bad for being liked. Sorry, you can’t help it you’re so popular. Also stay away from Taurus, because your energies are going to clash.

Gretchen Weiners

Virgo

You’re an Earth sign, which means you’re pretty grounded. Like when you say you’re chill, you actually mean it. You’re hardworking and loyal, which means you don’t really understand why anyone would cheat. You would actually enjoy going on a Groupon cooking date, because you’re practical and you like to feel like you’re doing something useful. You will not get along with Gemini, because their impossible mood swings will drive you crazy. Like, you want to hear “I love you” in month three and Gemini might say it, but they’ll also say it to three other people. What a Ben Higgins move. You need to know you’re the only one—love isn’t a Monica and Brandy song for you.

Libra

You are an air sign, which means you’re balanced but also easygoing. You can have fun getting drunk at brunch or dancing on top of tables in VIP at 2am. Unfortunately, sometimes you have a hard time making decisions because you are so easygoing, which means you need to be with someone who is more decisive than you. You aren’t a great match with Capricorn or Cancer, but that doesn’t mean it can’t work either. Honestly, you’re pretty balanced so you can probably figure out any relationship, but you’re better off dating someone who can understand you, and Capricorns are so stubborn they won’t even pretend you’re right in an argument. You might not know what you want to do Friday night, but Capricorn will rub it in your face if you make the wrong decision and end up having a shitty time waiting in line somewhere. You just want someone who can go with your flow and keep you in check, not make you feel negative about yourself. Stay away from Capricorn if you can help it.

Negative

Scorpio

If you’re a Scorpio, you already know you have trouble in almost every relationship. That’s because you’re highly sexual but also jealous AF. Every relationship you’re in is electric, but it’s also terrifying. Like Taylor Swift says, it will definitely go down in flames. But at least you’ll have great sex while you’re burning. If Libras get along with most signs, you get along with the least. But even lower on the totem pole of compatibility are Leo and Aquarius. You’ll end up breaking up with these signs three or four times and still find a way to get back together. That’s because you kind of crave the drama and you can’t stand it when people leave you. No relationship for you is ever really over because you keep tabs on your exes like Trump watches Fox & Friends. The Leo will piss you off the most because of how much he likes attention and he’ll make you feel like you’re always fighting for his affection. To be honest, everyone will piss you off at some point.

Sagittarius

You are a fire sign but you’re also very generous. So you will travel and seek adventure but you’ll bring your friends along for the ride. You value your freedom like the Kardashians need a forward facing camera. This means you do not get along with clingy people, and the first sign of someone getting attached to you will send you running. You do not get along well with Pisces, because they will fixate on you until you feel like you need to check in to a fake city out of town just to get some space for a day.

Get Away

Capricorn

You are a strong leader and are used to taking control, which means you probably have made the first move on multiple occasions. Still, you’re responsible, so you probably never had to buy Plan B. Good for you, I guess. You’re least compatible with Aries and Libra, and more than likely you won’t even be attracted to either of these signs. If you try to date an Aries, you’re going to piss him off with your lack of emotions. It’s not that you don’t have emotions, it’s just that you don’t now how to connect to them publicly. So you end up having drunk screaming fights outside a pizza stand at 1am and then the makeup sex is just okay. 

Aquarius

You’re a very chill person who's loyal and can think for herself, which means you don’t fuck around with fuckboys. Like, you’re down for a good time, but as soon as you feel disrespected, you’re out of there. You love a good conversation, so you might be attracted to Scorpio at first because of their deep connection to the emotional side of you, but the trust issues are going to get in the way real quick. You’re never going to want to let Scorpio control you, and that’s what they will try to do. So if you know what’s good for you, keep Scorpio as a hookup but don’t get too attached.

Just Friends Movie

Pisces

You’re a deep and emotional person, but you don’t do casual relationships very often. You’ve tried one night stands but they always end up calling you back. You’re adventurous but you connect to people easily, so they end up sticking around. You have a hard time reading Gemini, and they’ll frustrate you until it ends in flames. Actually, in the case of Gemini, it will end in smoke, because you’ll never be able to find the fire to actually put it out. That’s because Geminis will just divert the problem without ever giving you the answers you want, which will frustrate your need for the truth until you eventually just block him and walk away. He’ll probably still try to Snapchat you a month later, but just don’t respond if you know what’s good for you.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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