Yo, Michael Phelps, I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but the women of team USA have had one of the best Olympics of all time.
TBH, we could dedicate this week's betchy athlete award to a number of female athletes at the Rio Olympics. Like Katie Ledecky, who was practically born in the water and won all of her events with ease. Or Ibtihaj Muhammad, who officially became the first Team USA athlete to wear a hijab—and won a bronze model. Or maybe Simone Manuel, the first black woman to ever win an individual swimming event. Betchy accomplishments all across the board.
But the betch who has quite literally flipped into our hearts is obviously 19-year-old gymnastics prodigy, Simone Biles.
Biles had the chance to win five gold medals in Rio (a first for any female gymnast), but finished with a bronze in the beam. Considering the fact that she can still tie for the most gold Olympic medals of any female gymnast with four, we ain't even mad.
But actually, Simone has already cemented her position as the best female gymnast of all time—even before she made it to the Olympic podium. She's picked up a record three World Championships in a row, and has now solidified her position with the largest margin of Olympic gymnastic victory ever in her all-around performance.
And besides picking up Olympic golds, she's also picked up a Brazilian pseudo-boyfriend in gymnast Arthur Mariano.
What happens in Rio, stays in Rio.
The most incredible and betchy aspect of Simone's success is that she's just 19 years old. While many of us were (and still may be) falling off of tables drunk at a frat party, Simone is flipping four times through the air and landing on her feet.
So cheers to you, Simone. The Betches and America fucking love you.