September 1, 2015
Every betch’s body is a special snowflake of hottness. Remember, there are many different ways to make “10” and every woman is a real woman and blah blah blah okay this is turning into a Meghan Trainor song…
What I’m getting at is that each betch has her own unique body and some of those bodies have earned them a seat on the very prestigious comité de titté itty bitté.
It’s a job we take very seriously, but the struggles are real.
1) WHAT IS “CLEAVAGE?”
You know, if you push your boobs together and really, really, squish them sometimes you can almost imagine a world where you have cleavage...almost…
2) YOUR FAVORITE BRA IS SECRETLY FROM THE ‘JUNIORS’ DEPARTMENT
And your “first training bra” still totally fits.
3) CLOTHES THAT FIT ALMOST
Oh, so my butt is normal woman sized but my chest is 12-year-old-boy sized? Great. Guess I’m never wearing a romper. Cool.
4) YOU GET CAUGHT STARING AT OTHER GIRLS’ BOOBS
They’re so fascinating. And bouncy! Like basketballs! Oh...sorry...is this rude?
5) LOOKING FORWARD TO PREGNANCY
They’ll get bigger when I’m pregnant, right? Like...how much bigger?
Follow up q: anyway to get them to do this without having to get pregnant first? Thanks.
6) FEWER HIDING PLACES
Somebody would totally notice if you tried to smuggle a flask in your bra.
7) OTHER GIRLS TELLING YOU HOW “LUCKY” YOU ARE
Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off and fuck you forever.
8) REALIZING YOU’RE STUCK
All small boobed betches had that one day in middle school where they looked around and realized that all of their friends were getting boobs and the only bumps on your body were acne-related.
Growing up is hard.
9) HAVING PEOPLE JOKE THAT YOU LOOK LIKE A BOY
Hhahahahahahahhaahhahaahhaahahaha kill yourself.
10) The ‘Itty Bitty Titty Committee’
Okay, only we can say that.