New Study Shows that Smarter People Have More Sex, Do More Drugs, and Stay Up Late

By The Betches

I predict by the end of this article you’ll all text your group chat who’s going out tonight!?!, then your drug dealer, and then leave class ...all within 30 seconds.

Researchers in England have basically found that smarter people have more sex, do more drugs, and stay up later. Well isn’t this a reaffirmation of my entire senior year of college!? They’ve found that students studying at schools like Oxford and Cambridge spend more money on sex toys on just one website (the study’s funder, than students at other less prestigious universities… a solid $31,461 more. Smart Kinky kids.

Esquire magazine reports, "The correlation probably has something to do with the open-mindedness that comes with intelligence," says Annalisa Rose, 23, who works at Honey, a high-end sex shop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. "I think that the ability to engage in an open sex life comes with the abilities of introspection and logical thought, and those require some level of intelligence.

(Apparently a lot of people are having sex with honey to prompt two sex stores to name companies after it.)

Moving on. According to another study, smarter people are more likely to do drugs because they understand the implications of doing them and also want to expand their mind. Sooo next time Treez texts you yo yo yo I got an ill xmas delivery of that dope ass chronic ho ho ho while you also have 3 tests in the same week, it’s important to say yes to the drugs, because you are a smart person.

And according to an academic paper published in some big psychology journal, people are used to staying up and working during the day and sleeping at night but "more intelligent individuals may be more likely to acquire and espouse evolutionarily novel values and preferences than less intelligent individuals.” Espouse means to adopt for all of you who go to sleep at 10pm.

Well there you have it. If you're not lame, then you're probably also smart. And you thought you ran out of reasons to laugh at all the nice girls in the library typing up their handwritten notes as you pass them by on your way to your boyfriend’s apartment to have high sex till 4am.





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