November 14, 2014
In a page straight out of a nice girl’s diary, the app Loveflutter has announced paper bag speed dating in NYC. Ignoring the fact that speed dating is already an awful idea, now they’ve added an even dumber twist by making sure nobody will be unfairly attracted to you because everybody’s wearing a fucking PAPER BAG over their heads.
Are you kidding me? Really? This is supposed to teach date seekers to look past the exterior and like into each others’ souls or something. Vom. Since when was it a crime to be interesting and attractive? This isn’t a job interview, it’s an interview for someone you’re going to have to have sex with. Are you going to wear a bag over your head every time you sleep together?
We looked up Loveflutter to see what kind of app was behind this bullshit event and their description is “Meet Quirky People & Suggest The Best Dating Ideas Nearby.” We should have known that they’d describe themselves as quirky. Since when did quirky become a compliment? Stop trying to make quirky happen, it’s never going to happen. Quirky is for hipster girls that think it’ll make them cuter to play down their feminine wiles or whatever. We get it, you’re wearing a librarian’s outfit and fake glasses … ooh so subversive.
Anyways, these people will have a rude awakening when they have to take off their paper bags and surprise, his in depth knowledge of mixology is not enough for you to get past the hairy mole on his face. Like seriously, we get that you have a personality. Maybe you should start working on your confidence.