The Spice Girls Ranked By Betchiness

Back in the 90s, there were a handful of things all betches-in-training had in common. Our closets were stocked with Limited Too. We lived and breathed to keep our Tamagotchis alive. And we were fucking obsessed with the Spice Girls. Me and my kindergarten clique spent all of recess making up routines and fighting over who was who. So I mean, shit was serious.

Now, most of us are twentysomethings, and in case bills and work and other stupid grown-up shit doesn’t make you feel old enough, here’s a little wakeup call: “Wannabe” came out exactly 20 years ago. What the literal fuck? There’s no way I’m old enough to remember something that happened two decades ago. Well, I’m 24, so I guess I am, but shit that’s weird. Anyway, despite the fact that this is sending me into a quarter life crisis, we decided to celebrate the legendary song’s bday with a definitive ranking of the Spice Girls’ betchiness. Here goes nothing.

Sporty definitely brings up the rear of the group, and if you disagree, you’re wrong. Her wardrobe sucked—those Adidas exercise pants she wore all the time were disgusting. Her tattoos were basic AF. And the gold tooth was the stupidest shit I’d ever seen. You’re a Spice Girl, not a Ying Yang Twin.




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