Is It Betchy To Like Star Wars? A Breakdown

By Miss Ameribetch

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re aware of the hype around Star Wars. And chances are you grew up with your share of hearing about the originals, since they’ve become such an integral part of the pop culture canon. At one point the story about aliens fighting with lasers in space would have been the furthest thing from betchy to follow, but given the popularity of the latest Star Wars films, we examine the movie to see if it’s betchy or not.

Warning - there are spoilers ahead, so if you care about that sort of thing, um, you probably care too much tbh.

Even if you haven’t watched the original or the prequels to Star Wars, you can follow along in the latest Star Wars with no problem. That’s because besides appearances from Leia and Han, this new movie introduces a new trio of characters that didn’t exist before. Why introduce new characters? Because Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher are like our grandparents now, and JJ Abrams wanted to connect with millennials, probably.

There's a lot of characters but the only ones that really matter are Rey, Finn, Poe and Kylo Ren. Lupita Nyong'o plays a short old alien lady named Maz that knows everything about everyone. Like that's why her head is so big, it's full of secrets.

Rey is a betch because she’s badass, hot AF, and most likely royalty given that it’s heavily implied she’s Luke Skywalker’s daughter.  She starts like Cinderella in that she’s living alone in an abandoned plane and has no parents, scavenges scrap pieces in exchange for food, and hangs out with a droid that appears out of nowhere. But her lack of human interaction doesn’t handicap her because she’s like super skilled in hand to hand combat and flying planes with absolutely no training. Being born with natural talent is betchy because it’s like you are a gift from the universe. You're welcome world.

The two other important characters are Finn and Poe, both hot bros who's skills pale in comparison next to Rey's secret jedi powers.  Oh yeah, did we mention Rey is a jedi? She casually discovers she has the Force and escapes while in captivity by suggesting the storm troopers let her go.  Literally the queen of mind games.  Also, apparently nobody good in this universe has a name that’s over two syllables.

The evil dude played by Adam Driver is named Kylo Ren, and he’s Han Solo’s son turned to the dark side. He’s a SAB, which makes sense, given that his grandpa is Darth Vader. Unlike Darth, he loves taking his helmet off and has problems keeping away from the light, therefore sending mixed messages about his true intentions.

Finn is in love with Rey, obvs, because she’s hot. Finn is a storm trooper who was like, fuck it I don’t want to be evil anymore, and runs away.  They’re obviously into each other, but nothing happens between them because Rey knows that not fucking bros is the best way to keep a bro in love with you.

The film ends with Rey saving everyone from being destroyed by the dark side. Leia thanks her and is all like, you're the best. Leia went from Princess to General, much like how Hilary went from First Lady to Secretary of State and probably President. At the very end, Rey meets Luke Skywalker and is like, are you my father?

At first glance this movie seems to be a lot of hype over space fighting, but when you break it down it’s about a betchy girl who realizes she’s better than everyone else but still has to grapple with daddy issues. She defeats Kylo Ren at the end, and if she’s actually Luke’s daughter, then that’s her cousin she totally destroyed in a battle. We just hope Kylo doesn’t fall in love with her in the next episode, because that’d be super awkward. Though considering Luke and Leia’s sexual tension, we wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what happened next.  Overall, this movie is betchy because of Rey, and because she manages to not fuck bros and still kick ass.




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