July 2, 2012
Celebrities: they’re just like us! They black out every night, have millions of adoring fans, and get in trouble for saying stupid shit because they don't know what the fuck is going on. But most importantly, they smoke a shit ton of weed. One of the most frequent topics of conversation amongst stoners is which celebs would be most awesome to blaze with. Whether it’s a historic stoner, a toking TV character or a cannabis loving comedian, every stoner betch has countless celebs with whom they dream of passing their piece. With that we present our list of celebrities we'd most like to get high with.
10. Sarah Silverman: Sarah is what we would call a JASB, or a Jewish American Stoner Betch, in the vein of Chelsea Handler and Babz Streisand. When she’s not insulting her own people she’s insulting yours and when she's not getting high she's googling nose job doctors.
9. Kate Moss: What we would give for this betch to be our crack spirit guide. Not really, but smoking with her would be amazing just for the chance to maybe see her eat something. Though we would venture to guess Kate feeds through her nose.
8. “Friends”: Though it was never stated, it’s obvious to stoners that the friends were always fucking high. Ever wonder why Joey is always eating and Phoebe thinks she can control the TV with her mind? The only probable exception is Monica who clearly could use a fucking bowl or five so she’d stfu about the earrings Rachel lost.
7. Bill Maher: This bro has his own live HBO show about the news, which sounds extremely unbetchy, except for the the fact that he constantly talks about how he's high. Zach Galifinakis once pretended to light a joint on his show, which he later admitted was fake. Fucking pussy. Trust us Bill, when we come on the show, we will bring a real live blunt. Let there be kief.
6. The Dude: One of our favorite fictional potheads is of course The Dude. This bro cures his cottonmouth with White Russians. That iconic sweater alone would be reason enough to pass him our j, and he could totes get us into the most exclusive bowling alleys of 1998.
5. The Apatow Mafia: Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, etc. It’s clear that Judd and co have mastered the stoner lifestyle. Each of their movies is essentially one of them overcoming an obstacle while trying to maintain an hourly smoking schedule. And no, Katherine Heigl is not fucking invited.
4. Lil Wayne: Each of his songs starts with a recognizable stoner respiratory noise. Between the audible inhale of his joint or a chesty cough following a fatass hit, Wayne’s music is perfect for when we’re blazing solo because we never feel alone.
3. Sacha Baron Cohen: Preferably as Ali G or Borat.
2. Miley Cyrus: But only salvia.
1. James Franco: Jimmy tops this list for many reasons. Between playing iconic stoner Sal in Pineapple Express to smoking weed live on MTV, he has reached incredibly high pothead heights. He even hosted the Oscars while clearly high as fuck, though we don’t fucking blame him since he had to stand next to Satan. We only wish that he would chill out a bit. Like, we get it, weed makes you more intellectual but you don’t see us teaching fucking classes at NYU.