The Stoner Series: What Your Smoking Device Says About You

By The Betches

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The endless debate over the best method of blazing has been a hotly contested one ever since the Stoned Age. Every stoner has their preferred method of THC ingestion and will probably defend their preference till the death bowl is kicked. For today's stoner series we'll discuss some of the pros, cons, and stereotypes of various smoking methods, but first we'll point out that these differences among stoners have never led to any wars or conflicts, and that is because stoners are a peaceful people. In the words of stoner poet Bob Dylan, everybody must get stoned, be it by blunt, bong, or brownie.

Bongs: Bongs could be described as the holy trinity of smoking. In a stoner's apartment the bong is equivalent to the original Degas in your parents' private study. Whether illadelph or Roor, bongs are precious beings and they should be treated as such, which is why naming your bong will probably be a more thoughtful and arduous decision than naming your children.

Blunts: A blunt is like the Roccawear of smoking, meaning you don't necessarily have to be ghetto to utilize it, but you probably are. Blunts have been brought out of the inner city to the general population primarily through Lil Wayne's lyrics and Snoop Dogg's instagram. Now don't get us wrong we would gladly share your blunt any hour of the day but grape swishers just aren't our first instinct when it comes to getting high.

Joints: For the stoner who's always on the go.

Vaporizers: True stoners won't let anything stop them from getting high, not even pneumonia or bronchial phlegm. Enter vapes. So obviously every seasoned stoner has used vaporizers on several occasions, but the vape enthusiast is actually pretty annoying. They won't stfu about how they “just feel better when I use vapes” and how much more "clean the high is." I mean, good for you but honestly my high could be as dirty as the bathroom in Lindsay Lohan’s apartment, as long as it’s a high I don't give a fuck.

Pieces: While small pieces and bowls can be written off as the amateur smoking tool, never underestimate their good use. For those times between classes or your lunch break at work, having a loaded chillem on your person is more necessary than Thomas Jay's epipen. Sure small pieces are not the most productive use of your weed, but as stoners I think we can all agree that productivity isn't really at the top of our priorities…getting high is.

Gravity bongs: No stoner I know would care enough to turn their blaze sesh into a science project.

Fruits/soda cans/bottles: You're homeless, smoke more crystal meth than weed, or are an 8th grader.... Or you're on vacation and you have no choice but to be crafty.

Spliffs: Spliffs are a somewhat hazy area for stoners. Some amongst us would never dream of mixing tobacco with our beloved greens while others, specifically Euro-betches, think it adds a lovely kick to the high. We personally believe it is a far better use of one's time to smoke your plants in succession but separately. Not only will you reap the benefits of both crops, but you’ll end up spending twice as long outside your office “making a call.”

Edibles: Obviously edibles aren’t the preferred method of marijuana use by betches because innate calories are not our thing. However, there is certainly a time and a place in which they are the optimal choice because they get you and keep you extremely high. They’re also great because they can be consumed anywhere and no one around you will know you’re mid-marijuana use, except maybe the cashier at Starbs who has to ask if you want room in your iced coffee 4 different times. Situations in which edibles are most desired: theme parks, airports, weddings, road trips (multiply edible intake by 3 if with your family).




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