Stop Everything: There's a New American Girl Doll

By Queen Elizabetch

American Girl Dolls were the first status symbol of pre-school and they told the world what kind of girl you were. Obvi, we each have our favorites (including our incredible ranking of American Girl Dolls ranked by Betchiness which you can find here) - if your favorite is Molly then you should just go eat a pint of ice cream and mourn yourself. Well, the American Girl Doll company created a new doll: Maryellen Larkin.

Her name is pretty fucking awful, Maryellens live on farms in a fly over state and pray that one day Bob asks her to be his fifth wife. Other than that, homegirl is basically an earlier version of Sally Draper in doll form. She is a 9-year old strawberry blonde living in 1954. She comes with mary jane shoes, gloves, and a whole collection of pearl jewelry. Eat your heart out Jackie Kennedy.

The author describes Maryellen as her world as "determinedly normal. I did this deliberately, so that I could show that the extraordinary exists with the extra-ordinary, and it is Maryellen's own sparky pizzazz that makes the difference." Read: She's pretty and rich, which is all that mattered in 1954. We don't know a whole lot else about ME (nickname potential??), but I'm going to assume she goes to Miss Porters and marries one of Eisenhower's grandsons. But she's still not as good as Felicity.





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