January 29, 2015
Dear Sad Girl Liking His Instagram Pics,
There’s a special place in hell reserved for girls like this. It’s not that we’re jealous or anything, because why would be jealous of desperation? But you make us very uncomfortable.
First of all, let’s address your methods. You like every single one of his Instagram photos, even the ones that other people post that he’s just tagged in. Your comments ooze with needy flirting and you go so far as to use the emoji with hearts for eyes. Sometimes you write some flirty joke that you think will make you seem super chill or whatever, and he responds to you.
It’s not that we’re afraid he’s going to like hook up with you or anything. TBH, if he wanted to date a desperate loser, we’d be over it pretty quickly. I mean, we are who we date, right? So like, why does it matter? Because it’s fucking annoying. We checked out your insta because obvi we have a right to know who you are and guess what? It’s full of sad selfies, pictures of your food, and pictures of your legs. Or maybe you’re on private, that happens sometimes too. Regardless, you don’t seem very interesting, but you seem very interested in other people’s boyfriends.
So we admit we stalked your Insta and googled your name a bit. We may have also found you on Facebook and Twitter to see just how good of friends you really are. Like, what’s your relationship anyways? And yeah, now that we’re uncomfortable it’s like… shouldn’t I just ask him “who is this fucking girl?” But I’m not that stupid.
We’re not going to ask who you are because then we’ll come off like the crazy ones. Meanwhile, you’re probably snapchatting him “woke up like this” photos where you’re like coincidentally not wearing a shirt. Ugh.
You make us uncomfortable because you’re like actually really pretty, but you are wearing so much desperation it makes us sad for you. Couldn’t you like, deal with your daddy issues in a therapists office instead of via Facebook flirting? And stop taking pictures of your cleavage!
We could act like you and like every Insta of his and comment with pictures of our boobs, but like, we’d rather not. So bitch, slow your double taps down and maybe like try Tinder or something.