Strongly Worded Letter to People Who Vape

By Miss Ameribetch

Dear People Who Vape,

We’ve been trying to ignore this trend for a while now, because it’s honestly just the worst. Like an Ed Hardy shirt, it’s better left unaddressed. But unlike gaucho pants, vaping has not passed us by.

Honestly we weren’t even sure what it really was for a while, but we do know that if you say “vape or die” you should know that everyone’s kind of hoping for the latter. At first we thought maybe this is some stoner betch related thing, but upon further investigation, vaping is less about 420 and more about being a douchebag.

Maybe at one point, vape stood for vaporizer in a casual way, but it’s now become a lifestyle the same way Crossfit has and with it come the same type of fans that won’t shut up about it. Like it’s little cousin the e-cig, people who vape enjoy letting you know how much better they think they are than you.

Sure, you’re not filling your lungs with smoke, but you’re sucking strawberry flavored air out of a pen so really, why bother? Smoking kills, but vaping kills your social life. We’re pretty sure that stuff is just as bad for you in other ways.  Honestly, we kind of would prefer to go back to chewing tobacco or huffing snuff over this obnoxious vape trend.

The good news is you don’t have to wonder if someone you know is secretly a vapehead, because just like going on a cleanse, a trademark of vaping is you have to let everyone know you do it.


The Betches




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