July 28, 2014
Dear Guys Who Say "I Don't Need To Go To The Gym,"
Okay, so, I get it. You just want to compliment me. That is extremely understandable and I don't blame you. People do it all the time. Unfortunately, you chose an annoying, patronizing, bullshit way of doing it, and now you can never fuck me. Namely, you said "you don't have to go to the gym!" when I casually mentioned my Hot Yoga class. Presumably you did this because you wanted to tell me how skinny I look, but I already fucking knew that.
So why am I so pissed? Well, first of all, I don't know what gyms you're going to, but they're not just for people who need to lose three pounds and body builders. They're actually for like, everyone. And I get that beyond my being hot you dgaf what I do, and tbh I feel the same way about you, but I actually do care about my health. Not enough to like, not do Molly ever again, but def enough to drag my ass to a treadmill every once in a while. Also I want a thigh gap, but that's none of your business.
Honestly, I've been shocked by how many dudes think that when I bring up fitness that this is what I want to hear, and maybe you think I'm overreacting, but here's the deal: when you tell me I "don't need to go" to the gym it's like , I already fucking know that. Im going to the gym because I want to. I'm going to the gym because it gives me endorphins which make me happy and when I'm happy I don't end up going to jail for killing my (future) husband. It actually has nothing to do with you or looking hot for you or being fuckable. Well, okay sometimes it does, but I'm the only person who knows when that is.
The real issue here is that you wouldn't say it to a bro. If a bro says he goes to the gym nobody tells him he doesn't have to. They just congratulating him on getting swoll or whatever the f and go on s'ing the patriarchy's d all day.
So here's the deal, I know you're trying. This doesn't make you a total douche. But next time I tell you something I'm going to do, just assume that it's exactly what the fuck I want to do.