October 8, 2014
Dear Person Who Just ‘Invited’ Me To Like Your Facebook Page,
What you’re doing is only fractionally better than inviting me to play Farmville so you get more points for internet haystacks and cows.
Just to get this out of the way, no, I will not like your Facebook page. It concerns me that you think I would care enough to do that. Like really, congratulations on the dating app your cousin made, but I’m not that interested and don’t want updates on ‘Meet2Play’ along with its 307 other ‘fans.’
Nothing annoys me more than remembering some 7th grade floater via status update: Hey guys, we've all been working really hard on this new start up to bring fresh water to inner city homeless dogs and we'd love it if you dropped us a Like. Peace. How about no.
‘Inviting’ people to like your page is the internet version of ‘inviting’ yourself over. It’s rude and everyone should know that inherently, but if not I’ll spell it out. If you were truly passionate about whatever cause you’re promoting, you’d probably be working on other things besides soliciting social media approval from half-strangers. You don’t see Beyoncé soliciting likes but last I checked she had like 65 million.
More importantly, I'm embarrassed for you. It's like watching someone spill coffee on themselves, scream in pain then look around laughing to make sure they're in on the joke. You're not in on the joke and don't invite me to like your page.
Thanks for the reminder to unfollow your feed,