Study Finds Yogurt Is Like, Not Good For You

By Betchen Wieners

Put down your Chobani and listen to this: scientists in Spain have concluded after years of experiments and research that yogurt has no positive effect on your physical or mental health. This is not to say that is negatively impacts your health, but it doesn’t help it either. For years, we’ve heard the unending benefits of eating yogurt and felt we had to ingest it regularly to be considered “healthy” or some shit. Apparently all that was a lie, which is pretty devastating seeing as we’ve all spent a small fortune on the best yogurt money can buy at #191 Whole Foods or similar institutions.  

For years there were dozens of “studies” that boasted yogurt as a miracle food. For example: eating yogurt regularly can fight high blood pressure and diabetes. This study in Spain was aimed at disproving these studies, but several nutritionists were quick to criticize the news claiming that plain, unsweetened yogurt is one of the healthiest things you can eat. Lolz. Do you really think I’m going to eat that shit? I’d rather eat nothing, which has way less calories btw. Most people view yogurt as a healthy snack, but many brands use so much sugar that you might as well be eating shitty ice cream. Yeah, yogurt has some calcium and potassium, but like, just take some fucking vitamins.




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