October 2, 2013
A new study by the media planning agency PHD finds that women feel ugliest when they wake up and on Mondays. Way to start off both the day and the week right, ladies! Surprisingly, Sunday was only a runner up despite the fact that most betches wake up Sunday mornings with their mascara on their cheeks and hair that reeks of pot and sweat from college bars the night before.
Anyway, like any good marketing study, this information will be used to sell you shit that you don't need when you're feeling your most vulnerable and fugly. So be sure to stay tuned for commercials trying to sell you shit like Special K and bronzer on the Today Show and on the TBS marathon of Julia Roberts movies they play every other Sunday. And remember when you're feeling shitty that it's only a few days until Thursday when you'll feel hot again and ready to begin the three day weekend you call life.