April 29, 2015
I'm hitting the gym hard to get my summer body back for bikini time, but I always crave carb city when I get home and I have the will power of Kim K in front of a contour palate. How do I get skinni(er) and kill my craving?
All I want is everything.
Dear Greedy Betch,
I can’t tell what you mean by “when I get home,” is this when you get back from the gym or when you get home in general like when you get back from the club? Well either way, I know there are a lot of fat asses out there going through both scenarios, so I will be generous and attack both.
To the gym betch: if you are actually working out like crazy then you HAVE to put the time into planning out your meals so you have healthy but filling options ready to go. The 5 extra minutes on Pinterest will be worth it. Trust me, thousands of those annoying food bloggers are posting “healthy weekday meal” articles as we speak. I don’t know about you but I’d rather be lazy at the gym than on the computer.
To the drunk betch: I say “drunk” because clearly, the eating is not the problem. I hate to say it but if this is really as big of a problem as you are making it seem, you might have to go easy on the drinking first, which will A) cut out some alcohol calories and B) create less opportunities for drunk pizza binging. Oh and it should go without saying, but if you are a blackout binger then you should just throw out all the gross fatty food in your house right now, so there are no options left. Overall, if you want to lose the love handles, go easy on the vodka handles.
Oh and who the fuck says ‘carb city’? It sounds like a Midwestern pizza chain. (If it actually is a Midwestern pizza chain, maybe that’s your problem and you should just move.)
Say no to pizza and yes to raw celery sticks. Use the older Kardashian as inspiration; who else noticed Kourt’s not so subtle humble brag on insta? Post baby bod only 116 pounds???
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