So Did Taylor Swift Dump Calvin Harris Over A Hand Job, Or Nah? | Betches

So Did Taylor Swift Dump Calvin Harris Over A Hand Job, Or Nah?

By The Head Pro

If there’s one thing that’s true of getting older, it’s that it becomes harder and harder to keep up with what “the kids” are doing “these days.” By the kids, I of course mean Calvin “World’s Richest iPod Player” Harris and Taylor Swift, the mom in a Norman Rockwell painting come to life. Months ago, they were in love because Taylor apparently hadn’t seen pictures of him before he learned what a mirror was and he (I assume) had never heard one of her songs, ever. But earlier this month, scandal broke: Calvin was seen leaving a Thai massage parlor in LA, one rumored to be the home of the best rub-n-tug this side of your high school bedroom.


Harris made enough noise when that news broke for RadarOnline and OK! to both pull their posts with the photos of him leaving the massage parlor. But if he wasn’t getting a handy from the masseuse, why bother making such a stink? Gawker even did some digging on rub-n-tug review sites (yes, these exist), and found that the consensus was that everything was on the up-and-up at In Thai Spa:

“She gave great attention to my ass without penetrating or touching my balls,” writes one dissatisfied customer, who gave a five-star “massage rating,” but only one star for “service.”

So that should have been the end of it. But yesterday, RadarOnline was back at it again, this time posting that they had “learned” that Tay Tay had finally dumped Harris over the alleged dong-fondling. They also reposted the images of him leaving the parlor, with the following captions over the course of 11 photos:

But, "when the photos got posted on RadarOnline, Taylor said to him, 'What the f**k?!" the insider said. According to the insider, Harris, 31, "has his own masseuse, on staff." But rather than come clean about what really happened, the insider claimed, "He lied to her. He gave some bullish*t excuse that his masseuse was sick and he needed his shoulder worked on." That wasn't good enough for Swift, 25, who gave him the boot for good "about a week ago," according to the source.

The source went on to claim that Harris attempted to patch things up by meeting up with Taylor at her show in Nashville, only to be rebuked by her management. Instead, the source says, Calvin “went to Vegas with his bros.” Harris is apparently not happy with this latest round of media coverage, because Monday he tweeted the following:

Did he even get a handy -- the place doesn’t seem like that kind of massage parlor, but what of this “private masseuse” rumor? Also, do we know if Taylor even dumped him at all, or if anyone dumped anyone? I know that if I had to endure several months of dating Taylor Swift, allowing myself to be photographed with a post-handjibber glow would be an easy out.

So the question remains: Did Taylor Swift dump Calvin Harris over a handjob, or nah? 




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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