In the immortal words of Sex and the City's Samantha Jones: "There's always a contest with the ex. It's called who will die miserable." Nobody takes that more seriously than Taylor Swift, so to keep up with her personal brand she's moved on to a new man: Tom Hiddleston. Poor Tom is in for the ultimate 21st Century hazing—the media attention of hooking up with Taylor Swift.
ICYMI: Taylor and Calvin Harris broke up like yesterday. JK it was last month, but I wasn't even in the relationship and it feels too soon. But if I were Calvin I would be leaving voicemails screaming "We weren't on a break!" He recently unfollowed Taylor and her brother on Twitter. I'm not sure which is worse: that an adult man still uses Twitter regularly, or that he felt the best way to respond to Taylor's happiness was to unfollow her official account.
Tom Hiddleston is a British actor whose claim to fame is playing Chris Hemsworth's asshole brother in the Avengers and Thor movies. They met at the Mat Gala and ~connected~ during a dance-off to "Bring 'Em Out" by TI. If that screams romance to you, then you're probably still in the middle school and way too excited for the next bar mitzvah.
With that incredible chemistry, they were photographed making out in Rhode Island this week.
Don't pretend like Tom isn't a catch or Taylor's type: rich, celebrity, has a job, looks great in a tuxedo, presumably has a penis. I just really want to know what the group chats are like whenever Taylor has a new guy. Like how do Selena Gomez and Karlie Kloss respond?
Congrats to Taylor and Tom, on what I'm sure will be a summer fling that earns Taylor millions of dollars in 2017.