August 6, 2015
All of the elements that made up your MySpace profile can show more about your personality than any dumb AF #212 Buzzfeed personality quiz you take at work. The fact that you’re taking personality quizzes at work really just speaks volumes about what kind of degenerate you are in itself.
Chances are most of us never actually went back and deleted our profiles so all of the shit we put on there is still out to haunt us. While MySpace definitely gave us meaningful life skills like learning how to use HTML code (don’t lie – you 100% put this on your résumé to give yourself a “competitive” edge) and being selective with our top friends (like how now we don’t invite the DUD to pregames), it also handed us the crazy hard responsibility of choosing which song to feature on our profiles.
What song your besties (and future SABs) first heard when they logged on to stalk the hot pics you spent hours slaving away editing on Picnik (RIP Picnik, you will live on in our hearts) was truly a make it or break it moment. Picked a shitty song that basically screamed, “I’m a loser who still watches Mary Kate and Ashley movies in seventh grade”? Your middle school social status just got lower than the kids who didn’t know they had broccoli stuck in their braces after lunch.
Here’s what your MySpace song says about you and your ranking in the middle school hierarchy, which determined what kind of person you are today. No pressure.