I'm getting married this summer. My fiancé is a tall, cute, successful finance pro who treats me like gold. We are taking our friends and family to Europe for our dream wedding (thanks, Dad!). Basically, I was living the betchy dream...until....
My best guy friend all of a sudden broke up with his live-in girlfriend of 5 years, who was expecting a ring, and then promptly got in his car, and drove from New Hampshire to NYC to see me so he could confess his love and propose to me. What. The. Fuck????
I'd normally slam a door in the face of any guy who pulled that shit, but this is my best guy friend. We have been friends since we were spoiled bratty private school kids. Tbh I'd be lying if I said I wasn't flattered. He's a great guy. We randomly made out once (I was drunk, but not blackout enough to have an excuse), but that was like a million years ago, before I met my fiancé. So I thought we were done with that. I obviously don't want to give up my perfect fiancé and awesome life in NYC to go have babies in Bumfuck, New Hampshire. Fucking duh.
So, Is there any way to get married without crushing my friend and destroying our friendship? Also, we have literally all of our friends in common, so like, do I need to make new friends? (Wanna be my new friend?) Should I tell my fiancé about this? And I can't invite this guy to the wedding now, right? HELP!
I can't help it that I'm popular
Dear Hopefully a Troll,
The denial is strong with this one. You still think this guy is your “friend,” really? I’m going to clue you in on something: You never had a friend, you had a dude who wanted to fuck/maybe date you and settled for friendship as a way to bide his time to get in your pants sometime in the future. Apparently, that time has come now. If you really think you can preserve this friendship, you are seriously disturbed. There was never any true friendship to begin with, only the hope of dating/smashing at a later date, and tbh it doesn’t sound completely one-sided—from the way you handled it (or, more accurately, didn't) you sound like you also held a candle for this “friend”. Basically, this whole thing is shady AF.
You should absolutely tell your fiancé. In fact, he should have been the first person you told, not an anonymous internet advice-giver, and the fact that you didn’t tell him first makes me pretty concerned about your future tbh. This information will come out eventually (esp. if you have to drop your entire friend group), and if you don’t get ahead of it you will look hella shady and risk compromising the trust between you and your fiancé. So go tell him about this like, yesterday. Personally I wouldn’t invite the “friend” to the wedding bc the last thing you want is a The Graduate situation on your hands.
Next, you need to go back to your so-called “friend” and just shut it down, explicitly, with no room for misunderstanding. You just have to rip off the Band-Aid. As for the rest of your friends, just wait it out. I don’t see why they wouldn’t take your side, unless I’m missing a lot of the story here. If your friends honestly ditch you because you chose to remain faithful to your fiancé, you have really, really shitty friends.
I’ll be your friend if I can come to the wedding (and it’s open bar),