April 27, 2015
Being a college professor is tough. You have to, like, teach classes sometimes. And ugh, what about those long summers when you're expected to do "research" in the name of upholding your "academic credibility?" Making matters worse for professional students trying to get by on paltry six-figure salaries in college towns with low living costs is the fact that due to the state of Today's Youth, college students can be dicks. Most professors deal with the stress by being drunk all the time, or maybe fucking a few spicy hot coeds throughout the semester. If you're Texas A&M business professor Irwin Horwitz, you say "fuck all that" and just straight up fail the whole fucking class. Inside Higher Education provided part of the email he sent to students, written with the sort of prose you'd expect from a business professor:
Since teaching this course, I have caught and seen cheating, been told to 'chill out,' 'get out of my space,' 'go back and teach,' [been] called a 'fucking moron' to my face, [had] one student cheat by signing in for another, one student not showing up but claiming they did, listened to many hurtful and untrue rumors about myself and others, been caught between fights between students…. None of you, in my opinion, given the behavior in this class, deserve to pass, or graduate to become an Aggie, as you do not in any way embody the honor that the university holds graduates should have within their personal character. It is thus for these reasons why I am officially walking away from this course. I am frankly and completely disgusted. You all lack the honor and maturity to live up to the standards that Texas A&M holds, and the competence and/or desire to do the quality work necessary to pass the course just on a grade level…. I will no longer be teaching the course, and all are being awarded a failing grade.
Pictured: The "honor and maturity" befitting a Texas A&M student.
That was way harsh, Tai. Granted, dealing with that kind of abuse would drive anyone nuts, but failing the whole class is fucking bonkers. In an interview with IHE, Horwitz said that "a few" of the students hadn't engaged in the poor behavior, and that they were also the most academically competent. He told the school that he would continue to teach those students, but they wouldn't allow that, which somehow led him to the batshit conclusion that the only "fair" thing to do was to fail the whole class and abandon the course. Unsurprisingly, the school is overturning his decision, and now Horwitz is claiming that doing so violates his "academic freedoms." For their part, the school has already investigated one of the cheating allegations and found no proof of student misconduct.
Part of me feels like it would be incredibly satisfying to fail a group of rowdy shitheads. On the other hand, this seems kind of redundant - I feel like "failure" is kind of implied just by applying to Texas A&M in the first place.
Update: It was brought to my attention by several readers that this ocurred at Texas A&M-Galveston, not the Texas A&M proper of Johnny Football fame. You can decide for yourself if that detail makes this story more or less hilarious.