Thanksgiving food is the best. Who doesn’t love eating so much turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes that you have to unhook your bra AND unbutton your previously thought-to-be-forgiving stretchy Khloé Kardashian jeans? But while you’re busy getting shitfaced off of wine and tryptophan and actively trying to avoid engaging in conversation with your distant racist uncle, there is an elephant in the room that no one cares to talk about.
That’s right, we’re talking about the thanksgiving nasties: Those sides that happen to make an appearance at every Thanksgiving dinner, year after year, even though no one likes them and they just end up taking up precious refrigerator space among the more prominent Thanksgiving leftovers.
So your Aunt Mary brought her self-proclaimed "famous" ambrosia salad again this year. I’m sorry...while I am v enthusiastic about the idea of marshmallows being a potential component of any "salad" dish...when you add mayonnaise to that you just lose me. And canned fruit? Can we not?
IDGAF what anyone says...canned mushroom soup is a fucking nightmare. You know what else is terrifying? Soggy green beans. I would be lying if I said I didn’t eat the crispy onions off of the top, though. Those are bomb.
What is this, preschool? This is Thanksgiving: a time when I do not fuck around with the space on my plate. I have no room for your baby food.
Did you know that yams and sweet potatoes are technically not even the same thing? Yep, cool...still don’t want them on my plate. In fact, there’s no faster way to take up 43% of precious plate space and make my taste buds sob with boredom.
I personally will be skipping Thanksgiving this year in good ol' Toronto, hoping to catch my boyfriend Drake at his favorite restaurant, Fring’s, but good luck with that mayo marshmallow salad! Don’t save me any leftovers, pls.