The Best Bachelorette Recap You'll Ever Read: Week 6

By The Betches

Needless to say, last night's episode of The Bachelor was more estrogen filled than a Tampax commercial. Des, James, and Drew cried, Michael became argumentative, and Kasey resumed his role as the capo of the Right Reasons crime family who got whacked in an effort to take out Jimmy.

Apart from all the drama, Des and her suitors headed to Barcelona, a city that Desiree associates with love and romance but that any abroad betch just associates with Molly. Des further takes away from Barcelona's party city reputation by canceling yet another cocktail party. How do you say "fucking nice girl" in Catalan?

Date with Drew


This may break a few of your hearts but Drew is like not even a MGB, he's a DGB. Definitely Gay Bro. Drew drives my point further through an extremely over compensating "passionate" kiss. Like that shit wasn't passionate, it was aggressive. And if you notice in next week's previews, Drew says it's "just not working out anymore"… probably because he was only able to get it up when Juan P was in the room.

Drew is actually this guy:



Drew: My dad is a recovered alcoholic. Once he got drunk and left the car door open. ::cries hysterically::

Drew: My dad now has cancer. He hasn't told anyone. No one knows except me and the entire nation who watches network television.

Group Date

Ah Des comes back with a flock of Spanish lesbian soccer players.

Michael's a close talker

Michael G:"Here's to kicking some soccer balls and kicking it with Des tonight" ...I'm gonna kick you in the fucking head

Date with Zak

Des asks Zak some seriously specific questions like, "What was your childhood like? Who IS Zak?"

Zak reveals Des' portrait to her and it's a drawing of a 300 pound woman

MIA during this date: Zak's bulge

Rose Ceremony/ James Drama

I think it's time that all these guys take their fucking tampons out.

Drew: How could you possibly acknowledge that there could be any sort of reality after Des?! LIFE ENDS AFTER DES JAMES!

James to Michael  It's like, I don't even know you Micheael. You go on the two on one date, you become all confrontational, you never bring me flowers anymore.

At this point I think Michael already has TSS.

Juan Pablo is left out of all drama since he can't speak English.

James' pec sweat after speaking with Des was almost too much to handle. 

How long until Michael explodes... JAMES YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!!!!!

Michael, "If James gets a rose tonight the group is going to collectively BEEP themselves"… I think he wanted to say "fuck"

Also, could these guys be sitting anymore closer to each other? Get a fucking ottoman

Des' decision process for giving out a rose "So which one isn't gay"

Did James come back from a high intensity Zumba class because his boobs are super sweaty

I can't believe she chose Michael G over Juan Pablo. This is bull cheet.

Does Chris Harrison die in the next episode because they cut to four guys crying hysterically in a limo. Group date to Chris' funeral?




Powered by Disqus




Forgot Your Password?

Create new account

User login