April 1, 2015
In between tequila shots on Spring Break, it came to my attention that some “fraternity gentleman” have infiltrated betcheslovethis.com with offense to my polite inquiry to check their fat privilege in ‘A Strongly Worded Letter to the Dad Body.’ And by fat privilege, I mean the fact that you bros believe that you can maintain a beer belly but still expect to “pull” girls who look like a VS model naked.
Commenters went wild, even an actual dad who somehow found himself on Betches said that he thinks its okay to be a little out of shape and thinks his wife’s mom body is beautiful too. I think he may have missed the target audience and satire with that one.
BlutarskyTFM, a proud founder of#YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts movement and a large fan of buffets and self-declared non-athletic man, felt personally targeted for obvious reasons. His rebuttal on TFM, “Some Crazy Lady Out There Hates Dad Bodies and This Will Not Stand” basically says what the thought-provoking title said in more words.
Although, his rant took a left turn when he dropped his utopian viewpoint that “We expect equal treatment…You can’t expect us all to be tall, handsome and muscular, just as we can’t expect you to meet a manufactured standard of beauty.” Since you also write for a satirical website you probably are fucking kidding me, but WTF. If dad bodies were expecting to hook up with girls of a similar physique, that’d be great. Everyone would be happy. More to love. The whole point is they are generally not—they think, as all the chunky frat dudes in their comments kindly proved, that they’re party and pizza lifestyle demands of them to be chubby and yet, we all know the girls they try to hook up with have the same lifestyle but are expected to be thin. As one wise commenter self-named “Owner of the Dad Body” thoughtfully put it, “You know what is just as attractive as my dad body? My bank account that is funded by my dad with that same dad body. Oh wait Ya I am rich as fuck.” Lol. Sounds like a dad body with a telltale great personality, too.
The Dad Body Community got even more brownie points from a few of its other honorable members, especially the lovely 'Rowdy Goodwell' who commented on the TFM article “Where’s Ray Rice when you need him. This chick needs to be dealt with. Dad bodies should not be looked down upon” along with a TFM member with the name 'Rhianna Deserved It' (I can’t make this shit up) commenting “we all know that no really means yes. She’s probably just waiting for the right dad-bodied man to sweep her off her feet.” Lovely stuff, TFM. Progressive fan base.
If having a dad body in college is a lifestyle choice, that’s lovely. But the betch lifestyle also includes blacking out all the time AND we’re not expected to have belly overflow (except maybe when we’re studying abroad in Florence, oops). Equality, BlutarskyTFM, is really all we’re looking for.