The Betches' Guide To Instagram Caption Etiquette

By Dom Betchignon

You wouldn't think captioning a photo would be that hard but sometimes it's even harder than filtering. I thought it was time for a lesson to our generation on proper captioning etiquette. Here is a list of the four worst faux pas of photo captioning.

1. Inspirational Quotes on Selfies

Inspirational quotes on selfies are the cardinal sin of captioning. Putting quotes like “you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one,” on a selfie is just so unacceptable. Like I know John Lennon was all about peace but he would fucking annihilate you for putting that quote as the caption of a photo with you in a push up bra or doing a duck face.

Even worse are the selfies with girls looking down. I mean HELLO we know you took that photo yourself so why are you looking at the ground with some lame quote from tumblr like, “when life gives you a million reasons to cry, give life a million reasons to smile.” (vomit)

2. "Candid" Photos With A Quote About Laughing

Every betch needs a good candid photo every now and then to remind everyone we don’t need to pose to be fabulous, but I mean how many photos of you pretending to laugh with your sorority sisters could there really be? If you do have an actually candid fabulous photo of you laughing with your bestie, just please make the caption something clever because it will be absolutely ruined if you put something like “a day without laughter is a day wasted.”

3. That Caption Is So Last Season

A picture of the beach with the quote: “May your joys be as deep as the ocean and your worries as light as its foam.” You're not Annie Lebowitz just because you can make a beach look pretty.

A picture of you sticking out your tongue with the quote: “You’re mad, entirely bonkers, but I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.” Like, you’re sticking out your tongue, you’re only "mad" if you think this actually qualifies as crazy. 

A picture of your In-N-Out burger and fries with the quote: “People who love to eat are the best people.” Oh do you mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the world because that's who likes to eat. Also like, some of us are trying to starve ourselves over here, so that's rude.

A photo of you abroad with the quote: “Not all those who wander are lost.” Staying at the Marriott in Amsterdam does not count as "wandering," however you probably are lost.

A picture of a music festival or Cabo beach with the quote: “____ I’m coming for ya!” Please just wait til you get there and then upload a photo. And when you do upload that photo, please refrain from using the caption "______ we out here (peace sign emoji)"

4. They Didn't Say That

Marilyn Monroe: The quote “well behaved women seldom make history” should be listed in the betch bible but I’m sorry to disappoint you all, Marilyn Monroe did not say this. This was said by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, a professor at Harvard University in a book she published. I mean without even googling Laurel we assume she was a dud who shopped at Talbots so we understand the desire to pretend it was beautiful Marilyn but come on, it’s just so false.

F. Scott Fitzgerald: So if you only saw The Great Gatsby movie and didn’t read the book, well you’re as cliché as the captions I listed above. But if you pretend quotes from some dweeby screenwriter were things Fitzgerald actually said then you are just downright stupid. The number of photos I have seen people post with their boyfriends and the quote “I wish I had done everything on earth with you” is obscene and sorry to disappoint but Fitzgerald didn’t say that.  That quote wasn’t in the book, it was only in the movie.

Taylor Swift: I think one of the greatest collection of falsely labeled quotes was when someone on pinterest decided to post a bunch of photos of Taylor Swift with Hitler quotes. I mean if you even consider posting a photo with a Taylor Swift quote as the caption we already deem you basic but it’s just even funnier to know you may actually be posting a Hitler quote you think your girl TSwift said.

So when in doubt, geotag it out.

If you’re ever struggling writing a caption, just geotag the fabulous location and leave it blank, because “a picture is worth a thousand words” (lolz).




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