June 18, 2014
Although it may seem like Sophie’s choice, sometimes picking between Valencia and Brennan, we often are still left unsatisfied with our Instagram. This leaves betches to branch out into the App Store for more filters and photo editing options. Some apps are utter perfection while others are a complete waste of time. Here are the ones worthy of your 99 cents (plus the cost of filter expansion packs because you have a life).
Afterlight is the Beyonce of photo editing apps. It gives you the opportunity to adjust brightness, clarity, exposure, saturation, contrast, and of course to crop out the ugly person on the end. There are more filters to choose from than illegitimate children of NBA players. But warning: it can be rather difficult to choose which one you want…the perfect tan given to you by “valejos” or the way the color is brought out in your eyes with “curious” or the way “crest” shows off the definition of your recently waxed eyebrows. As for the photos not of us fabulous humans it is even more impressive (shocking I know). The brightness and definition adjustments as well as phenomenal filters made this dark photo look like it was straight out of Harry Potter.
The app also allows you to add cool textures to your photos that will totally impress that hot hipster who recently followed you. It’s an app even the fashion editors at Vogue have fallen in love with, and you KNOW they know a thing or two about photoshopping.
This was the OG photo editing app that was probably the one you paid for when you first got an iPhone. It's great for giving clarity and brightness to your blacked out (pun intended) photo. They also have amazing filters which can give your picture tailfins even though you have no fucking idea what tailfins even are.
Proceed with caution with this one. This is not a photo editing app it is a body editing app. It allows you to “refine” your body aka drag your arm up and down to make it look thinner or your leg in and out to give you a thigh gap. It’s used by numerous celebrities, some of whom have gotten caught such as Kim Kardashian and Beyonce (who would probably rather die than have her name mentioned alongside Kim's for this reason). Because when dragging in that stomach a little thinner, depending on what is behind you sometimes you can see it dragged in as well such as the door seen behind Kim Kardashian in this photo…
It can also cause people to be disappointed when they actually see you out because you look like an Olsen twin on instagram but Star Jones pre-gastric bypass in person. This app is by far the best when it comes to editing your appearance but we "recommend" it (the way Larry David "recommends" that restaurant)…you’re much better off dieting or cropping your arm out of the photo if you’re having a “fat” day.
We generally like to say no to pic stitch. It may be your bestie's bday and all but no one wants to see ten blurry pictures of the two of you together in one instagram square. However, we will admit there are times we just absolutely have to do a collage and if we do, the only app to use is Split Pic. It doesn’t give you that tacky white line down the middle like pic stitch does but PLEASE limit yourself to two photos per instagram if you can.