August 26, 2015
Walk into Bloomies and you’ll probably notice the mannequins are a little more covered, the shoeboxes are three times longer, and the silver racks are covered in all your favorite furs (sorry, animal rights.) Fall is here, so it’s time to fold up the bikinis and make some closet space for the season of leather jackets, studded vests, and lots of snakeskin. Although we’re sad to say goodbye to summer, fall is the trendiest time of the year for betches. The September issues of our favorite mags become bibles to us during this time, as we flip through the sacred pages, fold down our favorite trends, and take out our wallets. But before you start swiping your AmEx like Paris Hilton the day before house arrest, we wanted to share our feelings with you on a few of this season’s upcoming trends.
As betches, we will always put our trust in Vogue. Even when Carrie Bradshaw was broke AF in season one, she bought Vogue instead of dinner because she felt it “fed her more.” So, when this month’s issue announced that the season’s hottest boot will be mid-calf height, we cringed for a quick second, but then went straight to the Stuart Weitzman site and got busy. After years of sporting our favorite almost-hooker over the knee style and the adorable, pretty much pointless ankle-length bootie, the Midi boot has made its rise in the fashion world. In terms of styling, Vogue suggests that those with bulkier calves find boots that hit the widest part of your muscle, while those with slimmer calf muscles rock a heel for some hot added height. We will definitely be sporting this trend this season, but honestly, if you try to convince me to put on a Midi-skirt this spring, I swear I’ll need a new Xanax prescription.
The only acceptable car wash for a betch to participate in is a fundraiser for her sorority’s ski trip. A coach bus full of a weekend’s worth of tequila can get expensive. When we walked past the Dior window and saw a skirt that resembled an actual car wash, we realized Glamour wasn’t joking. You’re telling me to wear a car wash? I thought I embraced Western American culture enough by wearing fringed denim shorts to Coachella. How far does a betch need to branch out? People are explaining this trend as a new way to show some leg without wearing too short a length. In that case, let’s all stick with a classic high slit. It’s working for Angelina and I can bet she’s never stepped foot near a car wash.
Elle magazine describes this trend as “the must- have accessory of the season,” and so, we must have it. Growing up, scarves were always our most loyal accessories, as they kept us warm in the winter and covered our hickeys in high school. The skinny scarf is way too skinny to actually keep anyone warm, but then again no one’s ever complimented someone’s wool parka. Whether you go with a boho-patterned cashmere or a solid-colored silk, these chic scarves are super lightweight, totally versatile, and just pointless enough to be betch-approved.
When it comes to getting ready, any betch can admit that there’s nothing more time-consuming than doing our hair. With all the flat irons, heat protection sprays, volumizing creams, and de-frizzing serums, perfecting our hair in the morning can get more annoying than a Toddlers & Tiaras marathon. So, when we spotted these effortless, low ponytails all over the fall runways, we knew exactly what look we would be rocking this fall. Low ponytails are just chill enough to wear anywhere but sophisticated enough to avoid any cheerleader references, so whether you’re going messy or sleek, get ready to embrace this betchy hairstyle all season.