October 15, 2014
The betch is not naturally the most original creature. When found in groups it can be different to distinguish one betch from another, due to the fact that many betches talk, behave, and dress the same. If you are given the opportunity to observe the betch in her natural habitat, take note in particular of the group photo, a peculiar instance in which all betches in the vicinity will gather in front of a camera and pose in an identical manner.
Okay, enough of that National Geographic shit. You all know what I’m talking about, your go-to pose for a group photo that you and all your besties adopt? My mom calls it “the sorority girl pose” but we’re calling it the Standard Betch Pose.
Let’s break down the elements.
The end spot: This is the most essential element of the pose, so when you and your besties gather for a group photo, it’s imperative that you get one of the end spots or else you risk a double chin (because you’re looking too far up) or accidentally looking like a super villain (because you’re looking too far down). Being on the end gives you more pose options, and you won’t have to stretch your arms between two people and hold them there until you feel like they’re going to fall off.
Hand on hip: Now that you’ve secured the prime position, you have to put your hand on your hip. That’s just like, the rules of feminism. Otherwise your arm will look fat. I don’t care how much you lift, you will look like one of those middle-aged ladies whose arm keeps waving long after her hand stops.
Head tilt: Pick a side, and tilt your head slightly to that side. Not too much, this isn’t your yearbook pic.
Knee Bend: Whatever hip your hand is on, bend your knee slightly. Kind of like a flamingo. I don’t know why, just do it.
Now that you’ve mastered the SBP, you can take it with you. The SBP is perfect for any party, pregame, sorority recruitment activity…basically anytime anyone yells “OMG GROUP PHOTO!” and you all rush to gather around the group photog like wildebeest to a watering hole.
One final tip: since your pose doesn’t really change, try to vary which side you stand on. That way when people inevitably Facebook stalk you, it doesn’t look like you just took one pic and photoshopped different outfits on.