November 15, 2011
Season 2, episode 11: Watch What Happens Live When Tay Tay Goes Cray Cray
Wow, honestly in terms of pure entertainment value, we couldn't have picked a better situation than last night's episode. But before we get started with our hotly-anticipated Taylor bashing, we need to say one thing that's not a backhanded compliment wrapped up in sarcasm.
Besides the fact that another Ken got wifed up, one bearing no resemblance to the doll, our obsession with Lisa is bigger than ever. Not just because she killed it again with her Kim impersonation or because her interviews are stand-up comedy. Even as Taylor is behaving like a literal animal (See: the mouth), Lisa is the first one to acknowledge that the real problem is that Taylor is being abused, which is a legit serious issue, even to people like us who take nothing seriously.
Sure betches love to make scenes but the one Taylor orchestrated was a real life depiction of what happens when you live a fake life. It was honestly the ugliest display of tears and botox since Bruce Jenner graced a Kardashian wedding. We thought the collagen was going to burst out of Tay's temples.
Then she revealed how she's sooo jealous of Lisa and wants to be her, while simultaneously threatening to tell her all the horrible things everyone thinks about her. Omg that's what we usually do when we want to be friends with someone too...
But the hilariously confusing question of the night was obviously: Why was this plastic surgery exam happening through a fence?
Taylor: The giggy is up.
Nah psycho, we say when the giggy's up, and it's def not now. The arm is no longer strong, if you know what I mean.
"Life in Beverly Hills is a game and I dare you to try to fuck with the powerhouse that is me and Gigsta" 15 points
+1: Ugh we'd love to come over for tea tomorrow dahling. Oh and PS. Your dessert party was so much better than Pam's. +5: That argument with Taylor was almost too easy. She's just intimidated by the way you look at her. If not that, then maybe it was your adorable little English sandwiches and pink centerpiece cookies that absolutely scared the shit out of her. You know, the calories. +5: For not being invited to Taylor's bullshit award. You obviously have better things to do, like arrange rosebuds in a fucking teacup or something, than go to an award celebrating Taylor as an empowered woman. Like, the only situation more oxymoronic than this would be Taylor in a commercial for an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet. +1: About the iPad background, it's like, the same fucking thing as backstalking your profile pic and tagged pics for hours at a time. We all do it. +3: "Nice to know she's been eating, even if it's only..diet pills"
"I take out all of my aggression during
kickboxing class dinner with Paul" 3 points
+1: The guy at the restaurant explained what was in that appetizer for 10 minutes meanwhile it takes 15 seconds to actually eat it. We don't know why you get a point for this, but who actually gives a shit? +2: Your face may be pulled a little too tight to chew crab.
"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, soooooo imma go make some now" 2 points
+2: Whoa Camille, you're getting so real on us. We'll never be able to watch Frasier the same :(
"I may not be the richest girl in Beverly Hills but if I had a nickel for each nightmare I had of Kim's new boyf..." 0 points
-1: We've thought this for a while and have tried to avoid saying it, but your "sexy" stare in the 'Kyle' opener before your scenes is super awkward, eek. +1: It's okay Ky, tell your hot husband the truth. "I started crying because...Ken is just so fucking hiddayyy"
"I'm weird." -2 points
-1: Wait, Ken was in the house the whole time Kyle was crying about him outside? Why does he have a
helper gardener named Beto? -1: "I'm gonna add some blonde to this painting." What? Are you Pablo fucking Picasso now? I guess that makes Ken the subject of your art...
"Blah bloody blah" -5 points
-5: "Taylor, you did the right thing by not inviting Lisa" - Listen Pam, Taylor's is not an ass you want to (or are physically able to) crawl up.
"This show has ruined my life" -8 points
-1 :"I'm so happy I was nominated" ... For what? -1: "I don't mind us all sitting on one couch" - We're surprised you were smart enough to figure out the other girls' betchy tactics. We also like to make sure there are no other seats left when we know the Dud is coming over. -1: When she goes "stop stirring the pot and stepping away from the fire." ...Do you mean the steam? -5: For being a psychopath BSCB. Compared to you, Lisa looked like she was sedated or accidentally switched her day-of-the-week pill box with Kim's.
Cause you don't wanna miss a thing