December 20, 2011
Season 2, episode 16: You're not invited, but your Ciroc is
This episode... just no. We felt like there was going to be drama the whole time but there wasn't really until the last 5 minutes. It was a classic case of 'great trailer/dece episode' because we were so pumped to see Kyle kick Russell out of the party. Obviously this didn't happen until the very end and we didn't even get to see a resolution. Stop breaking up 3 hour parties into 2 hour-long episodes, like I'd rather sit and clip my dogs toe nails than watch Kim in inebriation-limbo with her stupid pointer finger.
The only time we consciously think during is this is when Andy comes on during commercials. Who is he dating right now? Does he pitch or catch? Well that and like, can a housewife have fun at a fucking party without getting slapped with a lawsuit? Let a housewife live.
But more importantly, why is the issue in this episode, 'Russell, stop sending threatening emails to Camille' and not, 'Russell, stop beating the shit out of your wife?'
Finally, regarding Pandora, can she wear anything that isn't a floral fucking sundress? Though we did notice her see through cheetah bra under her dress, you little slut.
Kyle: "I may not be the richest girl in Beverly Hills but at some point I have to learn how to pull it the fuck together." 4 points
+1: "What was I thinking to have this white party?" - You were thinking, I want everyone to see my new house. -1: Your party planner looks like he ate your party guests. +3: "I'm so stressed right now, Mauricio touch my boob" -2: Cry me a fucking river Kyle. This is how you deliver moderately bad news? Hope you never have to tell your kids the tooth fairy isn't real. -1: "Taylor...Taylor.... don't go yet!!" - You just kicked her out of your party. What did you want her to do, leave in like 5? "Let me cry in your limo for like just a few more secs" +3: Haha Mauricio, "please leave my house but lemme get that vodka first." +1: The hairdresser (who looks like the result if Alex from Lost and Mufasa had a kid and like moved to Jersey) asks her "what's your sisters boyfriend like?" ....Ugly.
Camille: "Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, but Paul is apparently my new bestie with testes" 3 points
+3: While all this dramz goes down you have no idea whats happening. Points for fighting above the influence, let your lawyers take care of it.
Adrienne: "I may have everything, including a husband whose middle name might as well be Regina George" 2 points
+1: Paul so betchy, only thinking about number 1... "but like I get that Taylor's husband beats the shit out of her but like, aren't we all supposed to go to Hawaii?" +1: Real Housewives mantra: "Friends don't sue friends"
Lisa: "Life in Beverly Hills is a game and let's play, 'Who kills the Asian first?!'" 1 point
+2: Lisa wiping her tears on Pandy's cardigan but not Giggy's cardigan. Points for picking the little dog as the favorite. -1: The wedding music. Wtf am I in a bloody Spanish discoteca, a mariachi band? Real fucking classy Vanderpump.
is a joke
Brandi: "My nipples are proportionate to my height" -2 points
-1: Brandi and Kim fighting is like a great dane bullying a pomeranian. -1: At the party with a woman...again...Lez be honest, just come out of the closet already.
Kim: "People try to figure me out but I think they may have all given up" - 4 points
-1: All we have to say is that all of Kim's jewlery is circa 1982...acutally scratch that. Kim is circa 1982. -1: Kim's daugter Whitney looks like Paris with Rumer willis' jaw. Dunnnun...dunnun..dununununn... -1: Kim's other daughter...Kimberly...looks like Kyle's dauther. This is like the Robinsons, but like, not really. +1: Kim you're so fucked up at this party right now you just called Ken "Kim" -1: Chill out, the Brandi Scandy was so 5 weeks ago. -1: To her kids: "I find the best way to be a mother is to tell you please hide your feelings".
Taylor: "I definitely got beaten the shit out of directly after this episode was shot" -5 points
-1: Since when can Russell afford a trip to Hawaii? -2: To Russell: "You look great too" - kk he actually looks he flew out of the cuckoo's nest. -2: Also she's like baseee jerking him off in the limo. Whatever it takes to avoid the belt.