The Betchiest Housewife of Beverly Hills

By The Betches

Season 2 Episode 6: Let the Betch Brawls Begin

Last night we saw the build-up for what will probably be the biggest betch brawl of the season. The episode left us with some burning questions like: Will Brandi just get off the fucking show already? Where was Mauricio?! Why were they all wearing aprons? And finally, congratulations to Kim for winning this episode. Believe us, this is way better than sex with Martin.



"People try to figure me out, but they can't because my soul is divided into 6 horcruxes and hidden on Witch Mountain" 18 points


+4: For your grand entrance of #1 talking shit about "Pam's" dirty house +1: "OOOO pretty flowers" Yes Kim, those flowers in that empty flower pot are so effing gorg. +2: For having Brad Pitt as your favorite rapper +1: What's wrong with a few bumps during game night? +1: "Wow...all these new people." We hate them too, Kim, we hate them too. +3: For continuously referring to Dana as Pam in the most epic hilarious mocking way. "It's kind of our thing, we're besties now" +6: For hiding the Brandicap's crutches.


kyle and kimYou thought you could fuck with this powerhouse, Brandi?




"I may not be the richest girl in Beverly Hills, but if my hair were insured I probably would be" 11 points


+2: For talking so much shit about Brandi +3: For talking so much shit literally all the time +1: No but really, you take the words right out of our mouths +2: For not letting us find a flaw on your face +2: Battle of the Brands with Dana: Valentino! Target! +1: "Never take liquid liner out with you." Kyle, maybe you should start taking advice from Kim instead, and show up an hour late.



"Life in Beverly Hills is a game, and Ken's company manufactures it" 7 points


+2: For Ken knowing the difference between "I love you" and "I love you too" - Ken sees #53 SAB potential in Little Maxy. -1: You kind of waddle but in like, an okay way. It's the Vanderpump swag. +3: For finding it in yourself to show emotion when you heard Pandora was engaged +3: Lisa literally has Ken's balls like cut off and stowed away in a little diamond box somewhere. If not, she's definitely suggested he dye them pink.



"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend... my friend DD who I pay to be my friend is" 4 points


+3: "For a party planner I expected a table, maybe some chairs" +1: Takes a sip of wine to mask her giggling while Brandi starts shit with K+K and she's obviously thinking: "he he he, now who's public enemy #1, hehe, hehe"


lisa and pandoraI'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom




"I've finally found my voice, and it repeats everything Kyle says" 1 point


+1: How many calories is it to stare at these cookies?



"Having it all is easy, but I don't really have it all because I don't have anyone to hate" -4 points


-1: Sick over the shoulder sweater situation. Didn't know Scott Disick was a housewife of Bev Hills. -3: "Sometimes Kim is hard to understand because she....rambles..." NO ADRIENNE. No one understands her because she's ROLLING FIVE DEEP. Call her what she is Adele.



"Even I don't know why I'm on this show" -5 points


-3: We'll be subtracting points for your crutches until you use them for something hysterical, like beating the shit out of someone. -3: Playing the victim that no one cares about +1: "My slutty shorts are cute so it's fine" - hahahah. True.



"I'm the fat new girl! Check out my implants, they're Fendi" -8 points


-2: You look like Bridget Jones meets the Black Swan in your fourth trimester. -3: "Hawaii is like, my favorite place in like, the universe." Like you've ever been to fucking Neptune? Oh wait, was Valentino just over at your house designing your spaceship? -3: How long before your nose is the color of Kyle's ass hole?

Last week's recap>>





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