The Betchiest Housewife of Beverly Hills: Episode 10

By The Betches

Can we all agree that the housewives of BH have completely run out of shit to talk about? Like it's so predictable, they're always either talking about the latest lawsuit, the most recent time Brandi told someone to fuck themselves, or like Kim's spirits. Bravo, it's time you throw somebody a new plot twist or at least give Adrienne another facelift.

So last night was pretty uneventful except for that time when Paris Hilton decided she has become so irrelevant that promoting her "concert" during an episode of RHOBH was necessary. Can someone explain to me what happens during a Paris Hilton concert? Does she DJ? Does she invite people on stage while she talks at them? Or does she like stand there and pet her dog? She may have explained it during the episode but we definitely missed it because were too busy worrying over whether or Yolanda was going to get the price down for that fugly painting.

Kyle +3

"I was born and raised in Beverly Hills, you can tell because my niece is Paris Hilton."

-4: I'm still not over the way Mauricio was berating Brandi and the way he was bitching to Kyle about Ken and Lisa..."Lisa came up and said hi, but it was totally not like a real hi." Like chill out Gretchen Weiners. In under one minute, he went from hot pro back to the butler in Mr Deeds.

+2: YES we're so happy Kyle's Turbo Tax commercials are back. "This is Tim the valet and if you're not rich enough to have your own accountant on retainer like me and your job is to run half a mile to park my car, Turbo Tax is def for you!"

-1: I don't really understand Faye as a person, to me she's more of an 'it'. Like cool, your expertise is mannequin selection? Did you go to college for that?

Lisa +2

"Life isn't all diamonds and rose, it's also having a jumpy tiny british husband."

-3: Alright Ken, it's time to calm down with this "threatening this single mother" shit. She's a former model who talks shit about people, not Fantine from Les Miserables.

+5: For this master-class betchiness by Ken. Mauricio: Here Ken, I brought you something amazing for your bar...Ken: I hate that shit, fuck off...Mauricio: If you want we can taste it now and I can send you another bottle...Ken: Fuck idw taste it now, I'm outie.

Taylor -4 

"I worked too hard for this zip code to not mention the fact that my husband hanged himself at least once an episode in season 3."

-4: For being one of the most annoying human beings I've ever watched on television.... And we watch Zooey Deschanel prance around in polkadots.

Marisa -6

"I hate my husband, LOL!"

-2: Is Marisa trying to have a threesome with her husband and Brandi because that is what this seems like.

-4: So you and Brandi get along really well because you both speak your minds... Are you sure it's not because you're both Hollywood gold diggers? Talking shit is fun Marisa, but talking shit about your adorable little nice passionate husband to everyone and anyone that will listen is less attractive than your brother.

Brandi +2

"Money doesn't give you class, it just alllows you to not spend your evenings teaching youngsters how to work the pole."

+2: LOL, Brandi's Night School for teach children how to strip good and do other slutty stuff good too.

Kim +8

"Life is a journey and I've given up on finding myself and now I'm looking for a portal to another dimension."

+2: "I see dead people" - Kim
+1: The only 'crazy guy flying through your fireplace' is you.
+3: Kim you are a fucking wack job but the fact that it's so entertaining gives you points. I mean, you think here's a spirit sitting on your bed...and turns out its your future grandchildren! Surprise Kim, your daughter got fucking pregnant at prom.
+2: "With all these spirits here, I don't feel like I wanna go anywhere, right?" Kim really never did escape the set of Witch Mountain.

Yolanda +4

"I like to have fun but only when I'm talking about my houses."

+1: Taylor's so pissed off that Yolanda gets attention without having a dead husband.
+1: "You gotta learn English, we're in America." Really Yolanda, he can't understand you! However there's a 100% chance that he calls you a puta everytime you turn around.
+2: "I try to teach my kids that daddy's working to make money to support the horses and other important things"
-3: For having a blackberry, that's disgusting.
+1: "Occasionally my ex-husband Mohammad will call me and ask for my expertise on things like, where can I get the finest lemons in Malibu? You DTF?"
+2: Yolanda: I see romance in this picture, like I see me and my husband... 
Artist: That's weird, it's about genocide in the Sudan.


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