September 3, 2015
Every year, as September comes around, betches cry about their fading tan lines and complain about the amount of shit they have to carry around in their Miu Miu leather backpacks. During this time of grief, Labor Day comes along as a breath of fresh air. It’s not that we give a shit about honoring the American Labor movement, but this holiday is a reminder that we only have one more long weekend of summer before fall starts and we’re stuck pretending to care about things like football season and the presidential primaries.
Labor Day weekend is complicated because there are less bikini shots involved than Memorial Day weekend but fewer fireworks than Fourth of July. Nonetheless, it’s still a time to get blacked out at the pool before noon and cure your hangover at the family BBQ six hours later. Since betches have such mixed feelings about the celebrating the confusing holiday, here are some do’s and don’ts for this upcoming long weekend.
Where you spend your holiday weekend is just as important as how you spend it. You might be bored of travelling, but don’t stay home. It’s your last chance to get out of the house this summer, so GO. The waspier the place, the better. The Hamptons geotag might feel overused, but nothing honors the end of summer better than driving three hours to judge people at the beach and order overpriced sushi while discussing the pros and cons of plastic surgery.
At this point in the summer, you can barely tell the difference between Rose and water, but the summer’s not over until the liquor store runs out. In a few weeks, you’ll be back to mojitos and vodka sodas, so embrace the summer cocktail menu now. Order that extra pitcher of Sangria while the fruit is still fresh. That neon pink Triangl bikini isn’t the only thing going out of season.
Many people know Labor Day as the time to stop wearing some of our hottest summer items, like white jeans and opened toe wedges. As betches, we can pull this shit off all year, so we’re not stressing. However, this weekend is definitely the time to show off your fav summer items that you’ll have to put away for a while. This isn’t the time to test out a summer turtleneck or your new boyfriend jeans. Embrace denim cutoffs and crochet crop tops while you still can.
Who you spend your holiday weekend with can make or break the experience. Whatever your plans are, make sure to invite your closest friends and that lifeguard you've had your eye on for weeks. Never too late for a late-summer hookup, right? If you had some needy high school friend asking you to make lunch plans all summer, this isn’t the time to invite her along. Unless she's planning on bringing along hot guys and alcohol, you can keep ignoring those texts. Like, can she stop trying to make this hangout happen? It’s not going to happen.