July 19, 2012
Apparently this morning, while we were still clinically unconscious due to our BOW hangover, nominations were announced for the 2012 Emmys. Betches love the Emmys because unlike the shit like the fucking Tonys, we actually have a semblance of a clue as to what the fuck is nominated. But since we still have another two months until the actual telecast we’re not going to be making any predictions right now, instead we’ll give you our snap judgments. From who we’re pretending to be happy for, to who we think deserves it less than Katherine Heigle deserves fame, to those who we just can’t wait to see have a shiny faced conversation with RyRy Seacrest, here are our initial Emmy thoughts:
Curb Your Enthusiasm: Both Curb Your Enthusiasm as well as our favorite balding Jew that isn’t our dad, Larry David, got nominated in the comedy department. Obviously he won’t win because the academy, much like the rest of the world, enjoys keeping LD in a state of constant misery. But as far as his nomination goes we are prettay prettay prettay enthused.
30 Rock: The show itself, Tina Fey and of course Bikram Baldwin all got nominated for the nineteenth year in a row. I mean we’re happy for everyone involved but at this point I honestly think more people are watching my grandma’s shuffle board tournaments than there are watching this show.
Girls: definitely the most notable nominations this year were for Lena Dunham and her freshman series Girls. But honestly, who didn’t see this from a mile away? HBO! Ugly Girls! Brooklyn!! Really though, this is a nomination well deserved and we’re excited to see Lena kill it on the red carpet, and we mean that in the absolute worst way possible. And these noms so prove the saying wrong: you totally can have your cake and eat it too.
Veep: Julia's probably like, my second failed attempt at a show and all I got was this stupid nomination?
Mad Men: As far as dramas go, this is like the only thing we give a shit about. All the regulars from Don to Xtina the Ging got noms. While these were about as unexpected as your housekeeper's deportation, it’s always comforting to know that a show about workplace alcoholism and abuse is still held in such high regard.
Breaking Bad: We don’t really know much about this show other than the fact that it’s about drugs…yay!
Reality series: Dancing with the Stars? So you think you can Dance? The Amazing Race? Is Cloris Leachman in charge of the noms? Where the fuck is the Bachelor.
Parks and Rec: The blonde Tina Fey got a nod from the Academy and we hope she wins so she can finally tell her four eyed bestie bitch to go fuck herself.
Sofia Vergara: we must always commend a BOTW for doing something betchy like getting nominated for an Em and Sof is fucking hilarious. But honestly, we really hope she doesn’t win just so we don’t have to sit through an obviously forced exaggeration of her foreign accent. We imagine she sets goals for herself before every year's win, "this year I will make my speech less comprehensible than Jean Dujardin at the Oscars. Anddd ii went to tank mi coooontree Coloooombia!
Game Change: In the war on keeping up with news, this movie was a huge help to betches everywhere. It was entertaining as fuck and gave us a great base for pretending to sound smart while talking about politics. Not to mention Julianne Moore did an amazing job making Sarah P look like a batshit crazy betch with whom we’d be delighted to exchange diet tips. Oh I love these Johnny Choos!
New Girl: Both Zooey and Schmidt got nominations. I mean I can give two polka dotted shits about the former but for the latter, will start praying now.
Finally: Um hello...where was our boy Red's nomination? We feel so bad, he's probably sitting at home right now, crying red, while sharpying nothing.