The Fatty Chronicles: How To Make Cookies + Brownies

By Betchy Crocker

There are times (like during the VS Fashion Show) that you just have to accept you’ll never be 6’5 and 90lbs. It’s during these times you make things like what I call Fat Chronicle Foods; and today’s version will combine cookies and brownies.

Before you freak the fuck out and proclaim either a) omg betches don’t eat or b) omg stop body shaming, please. First of all, half of us will just make up for eating this shit by not eating the next day. Secondly, we ALL know you sneak chocolate/cheese/not salad from time to time, so shut the fuck up.

Brownies are delicious and cookies are delicious. A betch cannot deny these simple facts. Although the limit does exist as to how many you should stuff in your mouth, you can allow yourself to indulge like, once a month.

You could ALSO make a tray of these, proclaim them calorie-free, and give them to your frenemies for the holidays. You is kind.


  • 1 (18.25 ounce) package of brownie mix (I used Ghirardelli because it’s fucking amazing)
  • 2/3 cup vegetable oil
  • 2 eggs
  • ¼ cup water (Umm I’ve used Kahlua before – just saying)
  • 1 package Oreos, Thin Mints, or other chocolatey cookie (you’ll probs use like 10-14 cookies)

Preheat the oven to 350F. Mix brownie mix, oil, eggs, and water (orrr Kahlua) in a bowl until smooth. Pour half of the batter into a 7x11 inch baking pan. Layer the cookies in the batter without overlapping. Pour the remaining batter over the cookies and bake for 30-35 minutes. Make sure you keep an eye on these as you don’t want like crusty dried out brownies and weird cookies.

I suggest working out while you wait for these to finish baking … and then again after you eat one. Domesticity comes with a price.




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