December 18, 2014
Sony, the company who has been personally victimized by hackers, has decided to be little bitches and pull the upcoming movie “The Interview” from its Christmas Day release date.
Starring our two favorite comedy Jews (sorry Adam Sandler, but you’re old AF), Seth Rogen and James Franco, the movie revolves around a very fictional assassination of Kim Jong Un, the DICKtator of North Korea.
After declaring the movie where two degenerate morons fictionally try to assassinate him as “an act of war”, the leader sent his arm of North Korean skanks to hack Sony. Which actually was mildly entertaining in certain situations (i.e Channing Tatum’s email).
Then people were like “they are releasing it on Christmas! That’s a holiday! That’s not okay.” And to that I say:
a) We’re America. Since when do we give a shit about what’s okay?
b) I’m Jewish, so it’s not a holiday to me. Bitch, you don’t know my life.
Afraid that North Korea may act like psychos (likely) and bomb the whole fucking world/stat WWIII over a film “from the guys who brought you Pineapple Express,” Sony told all the theater companies that “they didn’t have to release it” if they were nervous. So obviously, all of them were like “yeah, fuck that. We’re just gonna show Annie instead.”
People in Hollywood are pretty pissed about it and frankly, I can’t blame them. I’m pretty fucking annoyed too. Since when did a little Asian man control my recreational activities? My doctor is Asian and when he tells me to stop drinking, I ignore him too. That’s the American spirit, never do what you’re told.
Either way, I think everyone can agree that this is the fucking greatest promo of all time. Now everyone in the world wants to see this movie, and it’s only a matter of time before it’s leaked online.