September 19, 2014
The iPhone 6 came out today and Australia freaked the fuck out. Sydney was the first city to get the larger-than-a-poptart monstrosity and people lost their damn minds. One guy got into a fight with a police officer because he saw someone cutting in line. Cutting in line?? This is not snack time in 4th grade, you'll get your pretzel and chocolate milk just like everybody else. Another person flew to Australia from South Korea and camped outside on the pavement for three days like he was at a Harry Potter premiere and it was 2009. Now I pretend to give a shit about technology just like the next betch, but this is a fucking upgrade to a phone these people already have.
The best is that the first guy who bought the iPhone literally paid then turned around and dropped it on the ground. Maybe it's because his muscles had degraded from sitting on the sidewalk waiting for a piece of plastic. However, the phone didn't break. Was this some witchcraft? If a dropped iPhone falls on concrete and doesn't break, did you even drop it? Blackout betches everywhere rejoice, we finally have an iPhone stronger than our gag reflexes!! Wow, I just did a 180 flip. I'm all about this phone now. I don't even give a shit if I don't have an upgrade, I need this for my Friday night. There is a god, and his name is Tim Cook.