August 14, 2014
If you have reached your limit of getting new iPhone 5s after cracking the screen every single blacked out weekend or you just can’t get over how basic and fugly the 5C is, we have good news for you.
Apple, the ultimate betchy company (who else rolls out a product every year that is basically the same yet still makes bank on it?), is set to most likely launch the iPhone 6 at a media event on September 9. Even more betchy how the company is being all secretive and declining to comment about what exactly is going to be going down at this “media event.”
Betches aren’t stupid though so we obviously fucking know they’re finally going to unveil a new iPhone since they’ve been doing that shit in September since 2011.
The hotter, skinnier, younger sibling of the iPhone 5S is reported to have a larger display screen of 4.7 inches. There’s some shit going around that two models of the 6 will be released, the second one with a display screen of 5.5 inches, but if we wanted a huge ass phone, we’d get something hideous like the Samsung Galaxy.
A new model is nice and all, but if Apple really wants to make their customers happy they need to do something about the shitty battery life. Betches are way too busy to have to charge their phones about 89 times a day. Some Asian guy (who could be a sushi delivery guy, but claims to be an industry analyst, idk) is going around saying the iPhone 6 will have a bigger and better battery.
That shit better be true because I am absolutely fed up with the anxiety of living off 10% battery life by the time I get out of bed. Yes, okay, I do spend an hour (or two) in bed texting and catching up on social media, but a betch has to be in the know so let’s go Apple, get with it.