November 18, 2013
Three weeks ago I heard the wondrous news that the mayor of Toronto was caught smoking crack while he was, in his very own words, "blackout drunk." I thought this story would go away but he just keeps acting like such a ridiculous fuck that I can't ignore him anymore. His name is Rob Ford, and this is what he looks like.
Just when I thought I couldn't love Canadians more, the mayor of one of the three cities I can name in Canada is allowed to admit to doing drugs, and then offer the betchy excuse that he only did it because he was drunk. He must have read How To: Use Being Drunk As An Excuse To Do Fucked Up Shit, of course. I mean, this would literally never fly in America. Public figures are expected to be able to afford cocaine.
Basically this bro is not only flat out refusing to resign even though the most of the Toronto government wants him to GTFO, but he's also getting a reality show and wants to be prime minister. Every crackhead in Canada has already pledged their vote.
Aside from seeming really fun to party with, he's also being accused of sexually harrassing staffers by offering to eat them out. As if the thought of that bro in bed isn't repulsive enough his response to these accusations was "I'm happily married. I have more than enough to eat at home."
Montreal, your move.