April 2, 2014
Sometimes the bros that buy us drinks are just like, not hot and/or creepy as fuck. Giving a guy the slip can be tricky though, and the awkwardness comes in subtly signaling your besties that it’s time to GTFO. This involves awkward glances, texting them, and when you’re desperate, crazy eyes.
11:02 PM: Ok, we need to go ASAP
11:03 PM: No, but seriously help me.
11:05 PM: ?!?!?
11:06 PM: Fuck, betch, why is your phone on silent!?
Once you have your friend’s attention, it’s important to not let the guy know you’re actually leaving in order to avoid the even more awkward “can I have yo numba?” conversation. “I’m just going to run to the bathroom quick. I’ll be rightttt back.”
Wait, why are you mad? When you said 10 I thought you meant 11:30! A true betch knows when her bestie says "Omw!" She's really just getting out of the shower. Unfortunately for us, there are others who don't understand the importance of being fashionably late. For instance, when it comes to any kind of invitation, working off betch time is just implied. So when someone shows up to our pregames like, actually on time, were probs still getting ready. The only thing to do in this situation is to try and make this person feel as uncomfortable as Elle Woods in her bunny costume but in like, the most polite and subtle way possible. “Heyyyyy, would you mind running to the store and grabbing some us chasers? K, thanks!”
It should just be assumed that a betch is talking shit about you. Even so, when some acquaintance gets wind that you called her an Asian try hard or, like, said she had man shoulders, she’s going to be upset. To avoid looking like a bitch, there are 3 ways to handle this:
1) Twist it around
"I didn't call you an Asian try hard, I said you try really hard because you're Asian!”
2) Turn it back on them
"Why would you even accuse me of saying that? That’s like, so offensive.”
3) Pull a Ja'mie King and fake a panic attack.
"I can't breathe! Miss, I can't breathe!"
Despite our tendency to not branch out, there are some people from our youth we just never wanted to see again. A betch will usually try and diffuse the anxiety this situation gave her by texting her besties immediately after. "OMG. You will not believe who I ran into at Nordstrom! So awk"