December 3, 2014
At the advent of social media there was probably some grand scheme for the way things were supposed to go down. Like, you know Mark Zuckerberg made some impassioned speech before he launched Facebook about how it was going to change the world and revolutionize how we communicate. Or he was drunk and mad at his ex-girlfriend. I don’t know, I’ve only seen The Social Network like once.
Well, he was right. It did change everything. Because now, everything we do, every picture we take, every tweet we write, every thought we have publicly comes down to one thing: likes.
If you say you don’t care about likes then you’re a liar. If likes didn’t matter, Instagram filters wouldn’t exist. Dumbass 12-year-olds wouldn’t be getting hit by cars while they yelled “do it for the vine.” I wouldn’t try to cram all of my hilarious thoughts into 140 characters if I didn’t want someone to fucking notice. Social media quantifies popularity, which is great because it’s just another way for us to prove how much better we are than everyone else.
What you like matters. Who’s shit you like matters. The number of likes you get matters. Here’s how we think you should be doing it (on the only two social media platforms that really matter):