The Only Acceptable Vineyard Vines Items To Buy

By Blackout Betch

Who knows how long Vineyard Vines has been around for, but TBH no one really cares. Your great great great grandma probably had a shep shirt of some kind, but it seems like VV is back in the market with college students all over. The brand is preppy AF so if you’re going to wade into these pastel waters make sure you know what you’re doing. The last thing you want is for people to go around laughing at your pearls and headband combo. VV can be done if done right just don’t go overboard.

Here are the only acceptable things you can wear without looking like a middle-aged frump.

1. Shep shirt

We’re really not sure why these quarter zips are called shep shirts. Shep as in the shepherd? IDK we could probs figure this out with a quick Google search, but we’re too lazy for that shit. Wear this sweatshirt as you please, just don’t get it with any weird whale prints on the back.

2. Stripe ribbon full-zip fleece

Def acceptable for those hungover coffee (and/or weed) runs on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Nothing classy about what you did the night before, but you’re wearing Vineyard Vines the next morning so that kinda makes it better.

3. Nothing polo

Never wear a polo shirt. I don’t care if Karl Lagerfeld himself fucking crafted it – you will look like a soccer mom.

4. Vineyard Whale Classic Tote 

It’s actually pretty cute to smuggle around your Adderall and flask in a tote. Once again this illusion of prep and purity will mask your not so preppy tendencies.

5. Any of the pajama pants

They look comfortable AF so get like three pairs of these so you complete the “I have my shit together” look. Mistletoe Flannel Lazy Pants get a special s/o because they’re perfect for Christmas morning at your parents’ house. Instead of asking you why you blacked out at your aunt’s Christmas Eve dinner the night before, your mom will now compliment your cute PJs.

Bottom line is don’t over do it or you’ll look like a Stepford Wife.




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