The Stoner Series: Top 10 Famous Historical Stoner Icons

By The Betches

Bob Marley

I mean who else but Marley could be number one on our list of greatest stoners throughout time? To this day, dumb girls who don’t smoke weed will try to impress stoner bros by saying how much they “loooove Bob Marley!!” or by wearing a shirt with his face on it to a fucking music festival. But honestly his reputation has been earned and if you ask any stoner who they’d most like to smoke with, dead or alive, they will say Bob of course. Ugh, what we wouldn’t give to trade every member of One Direction for his presence back on this earth.

Abraham Lincoln

Sweet indeed. Lincoln freed the slaves, that’s basically One Love circa the 19th century. Super progressive. And you know he didn’t develop that mindset without the love-increasing capabilities of our dear friend marijuana. Further proof that if there was just a little bit more weed smoking in this world, there would be A LOT less wars and shootings. But no, let’s keep the guns way more legal than the ganj, totes sensible.


Jimi Hendrix/Janis Joplin/Jerry Garcia

So we really can’t tell you anything about these renowned stoner musicians…other than the fact that they were pro stoners who hung out in San Francisco. Good enough for us.

Thomas Jefferson

You can’t tell me the bro who came up with Life, Liberty and Freedom wasn’t perpetually stoned. That’s like the highest thought ever, next to cream cheese on Oreos and outer space.


Widely considered the greatest painter of all time, Michelang never got around to finishing up that little piece he was working on, also known as the Sistine Chapel, probably because his dealer was being a typical fucking dealer. That, or he got in like a serious jousting accident and died. But that’s hardly an excuse, I mean my dealer came through during fucking Hurricane Sandy.


Her munchies were so vicious she needed that apple.

Barack Obama

“I inhaled frequently. That was the point.” Yes it fucking was. Of course the greatest nation in the world’s first black president used to smoke weed. I mean when he decided to run for president, we’re sure Michelle’s response was “are you fucking high?” To which he replied with an astounding YES. We know he never could have found the inner strength to defy all odds of probability without the sweet delusion that only weed can provide. So remember, whenever you’re doubting your dreams, don’t turn to your therapist for inspiration. Turn to marijuana, she’ll tell you what to do.

Christopher Columbus

Talk about stoned delusion. He was arrogant as fuck and decided to sail the ocean blue even though he had no idea where he was going. And then when he finally got there and was still too high to know where the fuck India was, he was just like “fuck it, you're all Indians!” Boom. Problem. Solved.

Michael Phelps

So obviously he isn’t really a person in "history" yet, but unfortunately for Phelps, his legacy will forever include a bong. Mike’s pothead outing was actually one of the greatest things to happen to Stoner Betches because every time our parents yell some shit at us like “get off the couch and stop smoking pot” because it’s “3 pm on a Tuesday!” we could just be like “uh I’m training for the fucking Olympics asshole!” Thanks Phelpsy.


The bitch was constantly talking to trees. The wind has colors you can paint with? She must have an insanely good drug dealer. Hook us up girl!




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