The Stoner Series: Top 10 Fictional Stoners

By The Betches

The Dude 

The Big Lebowski is a stoner favorite for many reasons however, most obvious among them is The Dude. Even though weed isn’t a main focus in the film, it becomes a hundred times funnier when you realize The Dude is stoned out of his fucking mind the entire time. Like no wonder he had that bowling themed hallucination. He is professionally unemployed and is always wearing that amazing Navajo poncho which I would be thrilled to own for blazing purposes. He also gets bonus points for never wasting even the slightest bit of a J, carrying tweezers with him at all times to smoke it down into non existence.


Even though the duo of Harold and Kumar has become a stoner establishment, the real pothead amongst them is Kumar. He literally risks his and his best friend’s life in the quest to satisfy his munchies. Said adventure also involves a Neil Patrick Harris acid trip, getting a cougar high/riding a high cougar, and a weed-hunger dream about a life size bag of marijuana whom he marries and ends up abusing. His struggles are all worth it though when he finally arrives at White Castle and fulfills his high craving. Honestly though, it could have been just as easily taken care of with a trip to ANY 7-Eleven. Yet another example of stoner resilience. Who says we’re lazy pieces of shit?   

Saul (Pineapple Express)

Even though it is very clearly written in the stoner constitution that recreational association with drug dealers is strictly forbidden, we might consider breaking the rules to hang out with Saul. Not only is he an innovative pothead (“this cross joint was designed by the same guy who designed the Golden Gate Bridge-- my second favorite civil engineer”), but he also just seems like a great friend. I mean how much free ganj did he give to Seth Rogen in exchange for just hanging out and watching The Jeffersons with him? I’ve done a lot more for a lot less (weed). I thought hurricane season was ova.  

Seth Rogen in Knocked Up

Speaking of Seth Rogen, in the classic stoner gem Knocked Up, Seth is forced to choose between protecting his bong or protecting Katherine Heigl and his unborn child when an earthquake strikes in the middle of the night… Let’s just say he made the right choice.


I’ve literally never seen anyone with a more ideal lifestyle than Turtle. He somehow managed to ride the coattails of a super rich actor and his only responsibilities are to smoke the finest medical marijuana in California and… Nothing else. Now that’s some Cali chillin.

Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher

Cami D played a teacher in this movie who would literally go blaze in her car at lunch time. That beats a fucking cafeteria. Can’t say we blame her though, I mean I have to take a hit just walking by a middle school. I can’t imagine actually working in one and I CERTAINLY can’t imagine working in one without the irritation-numbing effects of weed.


What’s more amusing: the fact that he’s a towel or the fact that he’s a towel who is also a huge pothead? Either way, Towelie would be an amazing addition to the stoner circle. Not only is he totally on our level in terms of needing to blaze before doing absolutely ANYTHING, but he also would be sooo convenient to clean up bong water spills.

Nancy Botwin

Not only would we get free weed out of smoking with Nanc, we'd probably get some iced coffee too.

Sean Penn in Fast Times at Ridegemont High

No matter how many times I see this movie I can never really remember what it’s about. The only thing that sticks in my mind is an abortion (woopsie) and a young Sean Penn portraying an ultimate stoner (which we’re sure was hardly a stretch). He wears a shirt minimally throughout the entire film (ugh, so restricting) and he literally gets pizza ordered to class. Understandable. Munchies you win again, you evil mother fucker.

Brian Griffin

Brian is by far the most intellectual character on Family Guy, so of fucking course he’s a stoner. I mean how else could he find motivation to write 19 memoirs and a Broadway play without the help of mind-expanding greens? However, it also makes sense that all of his work is terrible but he thinks it’s world changing because…well he’s really high and that can happen. Just ask the betch sitting next to you in the stoner circle who won’t shut the fuck up about her hilariiious story even though no one else is laughing. As we’ve explained many times, being high is both a blessing and a curse (read: munchies).




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