The Teen Choice Awards Were Rigged and Teens Are Flipping

By Betch Waldorf

So yesterday it was released that the Teen Choice Awards, which was aired on Sunday evening, was rigged. Basically the producers of the program picked all the winners, not the teens who were voting. Obviously many teens and fans were outraged and shocked at this revelation (which is probably also a publicity stunt). But fucking hello, of course this shit is rigged- this is America dammit. Watch an episode of Scandal, educate yourselves. 

The website for the TCA’s had this little sliver of fine print that said: “…Votes are tabulated electronically and winners are determined based on the nominees in each category with the highest number of eligible votes. Teenasaurus Rox reserves the right to choose the winner from the top four vote generators.” Who the fuck took the time to find this? A very disgruntled Austin Mahone fan? I’m laughing at the company name though. You gotta wonder what the CEO’s were thinking: “Maybe if we make the name something cute like “Teenasaurus Rox” people will never think we are conniving enough to rig shit. God, teens are so fucking stupid.”

Anyone with an IQ that is equivalent to their age could have fucking figured out this shit was rigged the moment “Keeping up with the Kardashians” won an award. I mean really. And it became very clear that Shailene Woodley and One Direction probs gang banged the whole company because they won EVERY FUCKING AWARD. They were also in like every fucking category, giving no chance of a fluke of losing. “Best Female Country Artist: the nominees are One Direction…”

Honestly, I think the Teen Choice Awards are pretty fucking ridiculous to begin with. I mean for God’s sakes look at the nominees for half of this shit. At first I was wondering where all the good movies were within these categories, but then I realized that they are all rated R. I forgot that the viewing audience still has a provisional license and their balls haven’t dropped. “Blended,” a movie that busted at the box office, was nominated like 6 times. WTF? Even Adam Sandler was probs confused. You got nominated for a Teen Choice Award? What? Like its hard?

I guess you can take this is a fucking American history lesson, annoying teenagers of today, that your vote pretty much doesn’t mean anything. Especially if it’s for fucking Taylor Swift.






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