March 21, 2013
Throughout our posts, we’ve discussed many different types of besties. From the #7 BSCB to the #48 Dud, it seems like everyone has their role within our group. But what happens, you may ask, when a top betch suddenly changes? What if someone who used to be fun suddenly morphs into a lame, shittier version of herself who suddenly cares about things like her health and doing work? Betches, we all know that girl. Now she's more boring than a first date with a poor guy, but we all remember the days when she Used to Go Hard (UGH). Here are the top ten real life celebrity UGHs who we've come to know, love, and miss the days when they were speculated to be at rehab.
Although she's now a mom to one of the cutest kids I've ever seen, she used to be one Hugh Hefner's like, fifteen girlfriends and whoring it out living it up in the Playboy mansion. Now she's got a reality TV show and a someone ghost wrote a book for her called Sliding Into Home. Sorry K, you were way less boring when things were sliding into you.
Kristin was once the hard partying queen BSCB on Laguna Beach and then The Hills. Now she's a mom. Lame. Who could forge the hysterical intervention that Lo and Audrina tried to have on her on the last season of The Hills when she was all like "sorry I look tired and extremely thin. It's called heroin chic. I always wear #60 sunglasses inside."
Not even a year ago this British betch was practically fanking vodka and cigarettes in her acceptance speeches. Today: a boyfriend and a fucking baby. Have fun being the UGH, Adele. Nevermind we'll find someone like you.
As with Adele and so many other hard partying celebs, all it took was getting knocked up to get Snooki to calm down. Honestly we can't believe rehabs are still in business when it seems like all you have to do to get these people to chill out is show them a positive pregnancy stick. Unless of course you're Janelle from Teen Mom.
From AA to the Oval Office is pretty much the biggest UGH move you can make in the free world. A maneuver which would've been impossible if not for his famous dad and lack of Facebook in the 80's.
This knocked up Butterface gets her nickname for a reason. It's because her face is now corroded by fucking crystal meth. That's right, this betch went fucking bananas, and when we say bananas we mean she fucking peed her pants on stage because she used to get THAT drunk. Any betch who is now pregnant but once told TIME magazine that meth was "the hardest boyfriend I ever had to break up with" earns a top spot on our list. All it took for Fergie to get her shit together was a marriage to one of the hottest guys of all time, Josh Duhamel.
Despite being with the funnest bro of our time, Kourtney's plot line dictates that she must become boring since she has kids now and needs to have a point of tension with Scott to keep their wedding on hold until after Kim's monster is born. If Kris Jenner says you're going to play an UGH this season, you're going to play a fucking UGH this season or risk losing your endorsement deals.
Who doesn't miss the days of MK being all over the tabloids? We're not really sure if she actually went hard or if it just seemed like it did compared to Ashley who clearly didn't. Either way MK is settling down with a guy who's like her father's age now. Talk about used to go hard.
This 13 year old rehab goer gave a whole new meaning to bat shit crazy betch. As part of the Hollywood Lucky Sperm Club and the star of ET (aside from ET himself) it's no surprise that little Drew went hard at a very young age and was #82 over it before bat mitzvah age. Like they always say, youth is wasted on the young. But more importantly we wonder how many bartenders' jobs were lost serving this clearly prepubescent famous betch.
Sure she was getting out of control back in the late 2000s, but Britney is so heavily medicated and these days her handlers don't allow her to go hard with anything except Starbucks venti teas and autotune.