February 14, 2013
It’s that time of year. The most insignificant holiday, aside from that one about trees, and the one that all single girls and those with shitty, cheap, boyfriends hate. We decided to brighten up this otherwise pointless holiday with a survival guide because we are basically fucking saints. Here’s our list of V-Day no-no’s.
Your newsfeeds and homepages will be filled with nauseating, illiterate messages from ex-boyfriends and lame girls, as well as ugly stuffed animals holding candy. Spare yourself the visual of cupid carebears and heart-shaped floral arrangements.
Home to creepy old men, on this of all days.
We’ve seen how this ends, and you will never get any of your clothes back. Not to mention she has far too much blackmail on you and that story of you and the Black Knight should never get out.
Pure waste of time and you don’t even mean it.
Inevitably some of you are single, just don’t let anyone know it; unless it’s because you can’t decide which one of the 10 guys you’re currently screwing with you want to actually commit to screwing.
You don’t cook. You have people cook for you or you go out. Don’t try and be romantic or fucking Rachael Ray. You will burn your hair or worse, ruin your manicure.