October 1, 2014
It has come to our attention that Apple is creepy AF and likes to know where you have sex. The “Places I’ve Had Sex” app basically does exactly what the title says: keeps track of all the places you’ve had sex.
Every time you bang you can mark your current location so you can remember exactly where you did it. Apparently you can’t really add anything to the location (like noteworthy details, names, best positions, etc.) so we don’t really get the point of a dumb map with a bunch of location tags that all look the same.
The app description on the Apple website says something ridiculous like “Expand your territory, mark everywhere you made friends – high five!” It is beyond us why the creators of this app are encouraging their users to be slutty and “make” friends all over the map. If you’re going to be slutty at least be discreet about that shit.
At the end of the day if you download an app to mark down all the locations you’ve had sex, you’re honestly probably not having that much sex. The only thing sadder than not getting laid is looking at this app and being reminded you’re not getting laid.