OMG They've Created Period Absorbing Panties

By Jane Duh

Every betch dreams of making the world a betchier place for her future, beautiful, daughter. Well, that day may be upon us with the release of THINX, period absorbing panties that would allow betches to get rid of tampons forever.

Did you hear that? Get rid of tampons forever. Remember everything about this moment, because one day your grandbetches will crawl into your lap and ask you where you were when you first heard about period absorbing panties.

So how do THINX work?

I don’t fucking know and I don’t fucking care. What matters is that they apparently do work and they also aren’t thousands of dollars (which is what I would have paid for them). The website says they work through a combination of being moisture-wicking, anti-microbial, leak-resistant, and absorbent which honestly sounds fine to me. In fact, I tuned out halfway through hearing about how these things work daydreaming about all the other random bullshit I’m going to be able to keep in my bag now that I won’t have a thousand OB’s chilling in all the pockets. Literally living the dream.

So why hasn’t the internet been blowing up over this?

Well, THINX had a little trouble getting off the ground because of a little organization NYC betches might be familiar with called the ‘Metro Transit Authority.’

You see, the MTA was like, not about THINX’s ads being in the subway because they said the word ‘period’ on them and displayed this admittedly creepy AF picture of an egg yolk. 

The MTA originally said the ads were “too suggestive” but then everyone reminded them of this delightful ad for a boob job that has run on the subways about a thousand times:

so the MTA was like “oh lol u right” and now the lucky hip betches of Brooklyn will be able to feast their eyes on THINX’s runny egg ad and might even read the word “period” on posters all along the L line.

What a wonderful time it is to be a betch. 




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